So Let Fate Decide
by DiamondPadfootProngs
Summary: A story about the Marauders' seventh year at Hogwarts. Will contain Jily. Please review!
1. Marlene's House

'Sorry Tulip, I can't let you out of your cage.' Lily said apologetically while she offered her owl treats. 'You know Petunia would freak out and demand I put you back.'

Tulip only looked at her dismissively before turning her head away from the treat and giving Lily the silent treatment. Lily sighed. The summer holidays were really her least favourite part of the year. A solid 2 months with Petunia, the sister who hated her. Even Hogwarts with the pranks of James Potter and Sirius Black was better than having to deal with Petunia.

'LILY!' came Petunia's shrill screech. Her bedroom burst open and Petunia stood there, her hair piled up and her horse-like features scrunched up into an expression resembling an angry vulture. 'Where the hell is my favourite blouse?'

'What?' Yawned Lily, standing up and stretching.

'You know what! My favourite blouse! It's not in my room, so you must have taken it! I need it TONIGHT for my friend's birthday party!'

'Sorry Petunia, but I don't have it! You must've left it in the dryer or something.' Lily replied mellowly, sitting back down on her bed. God, she was just so done with Petunia accusing her of everything that went wrong in her life.

'No, I know I didn't! You stole it! You-' Petunia was cut of by the sight of an owl flying towards Lily's window. With a stamp of her foot and a look of utter disgust on her face, she marched out of Lily's room and slammed the door.

Lily smiled in relief and opened the window to let the owl in. Anything that got Petunia to stop screaming at her was a welcome sight. The owl was a tawny one, with specks of white on its feathers. Lily recognised it as Marlene's owl, Dream. She opened the letter, Dream waiting patiently for her to write a reply.

 _Dear Lily,_

 _I know you're at home with your sister so I hope Dream didn't freak her out too much. I was just wondering if you'd want to stay at my house from tomorrow until the start of school, seeing as we all need to get out new textbooks from Diagon Alley anyway and it'll be better to go together. Sally and Mary are coming here as well. So are James and Sirius, but I hope you can stand to be around them._

 _Marlene xxx_

Lily smiled and quickly scribbled a reply.

 _Dear Marly,_

 _Sure I'll come over! I'll just tell my parents and pack then I'll be over as soon as I can. Dream did freak Petunia out a bit but it drove her out of my room which was a good thing. See you soon!_

 _Lily xxx_

Lily gave her reply to Dream, who hooted and flew off out the window again. She couldn't understand why Potter and Black were there as well. They were better than they were last year, that was true, but why would Marlene _intentionally_ invite them to her house? She sighed and looked around at the piles of clothes around her which needed packing. This was going to take a long time.

.o.O.o.

'Lily!' Marlene cried, throwing her arms around her. 'Come in, come in!'

Mary and Sally were both standing behind Marlene, looking slightly awkward.

'How long have you guys been here?' Lily asked.

'About 2 hours.' Sally replied, looking slightly put out by Marlene's enthusiastic greeting to Lily. Apparently she hadn't got quite the same level of enthusiasm when she arrived.

'James and Sirius are upstairs.' Marlene told Lily, handing her a glass of lemonade. 'OI! BLACK! POTTER! GET DOWN HERE! LILY ARRIVED!' She yelled up the stairs.

Lily hearda scuffle and some footsteps before seeing Sirius and James walk down the stairs, sniggering and apparently plotting something, as usual.

'Lilykins!' Sirius ran to greet her far too excitedly, running down the stairs and giving her a bear hug.

'Uh- hi Black. And don't call me Lilykins.' She said when he pulled back. James was standing behind him.

'Hi Evans.' He said, grinning cockily, a grin that would make most Hogwarts girls swoon. Thank god Lily was immune to his charm, even though she noticed it. But she'd never admit that to anyone, least of all herself.

Lily rolled her green eyes at his smirk. 'Hi, Potter.'

There was a silence. None of them seemed to know what to say.

'Hey, look! Our Hogwarts letters are arriving!' Sally pointed to outside the window.

Sure enough, 6 owls were soaring down to them. How they always knew where they were supposed to fly, Lily would never figure out. How could they possibly have known to come to Marlene's house? She'd only just arrived. Marlene opened the window to let the owls in, and the white one on the end flew to Lily and held out it's leg for her to take.

'Dear god, are these teachers trying to kill us?' Marlene said incredulously, scanning the long list of textbooks required for seventh years after having ripped open the envelope.

'I know right?' Lily agreed, reading her own list before skipping to the end of her letter. 'Oh my god!'

'What? What is it?' Everyone except James crowded around her to read it.

 _Dear Miss Evans,_

 _First of all, may I offer you my warmest congratulations on becoming head girl. After observing your behaviour for the past 6 years, it seemed that you were perfect for this role_. _I expect that you will not abuse this position in any way and you will work with the head boy very well, who I chose as I thought you two would make a very responsible pair, as well as individually. You will have your own dormitories, which you can set your own password to. I look forward to seeing you in September._

 _Best wishes,_

 _Professor A.W.P.B Dumbledore_

'Congratulations Lily, I know you've wanted this since you were about 12.' Mary said, hugging her. 'Hey, now we can ride in the prefects compartment together and you can boss me around!'

James, who had not moved since he had got his letter, was staring at his envelope in shock.

'What is it, Prongs?' Sirius asked, having noticed his face. Putting his hand into his envelope, James drew out a head boy badge.

'Are you kidding?' Marlene snatched his envelope and read his letter aloud for everyone to hear. ' _Dear Mr Potter, I'm pleased to inform you that you are now head boy, as well as quidditch captain. I'm sure you will be surprised with this news, but I am sure that I made the right choice. I certainly believe that you and the head girl will make a fantastic pair and you will not abuse your position of authority. You will be sharing a dormitory with the head girl, which you can set your own password to. I'd like to offer you my warmest congratulations. Best wishes, Professor A.P.W.B Dumbledore'_

Sirius shook his head. 'Are you kidding? Half of the marauders have roles of responsibility now?' He sighed in exasperation. 'Don't worry Prongs, we'll corrupt you just like we did Moony when he became a prefect.'

'You won't abuse your position of authority, indeed.' Lily snorted. '10 galleons says he gives a Slytherin detention on the first day of school.'

'Nobody's dumb enough to take that bet, Lily, we all know that's exactly what he'll do.'

'Hey Padfoot, I can give you detention now.' James said, grinning.

'Yeah, but you won't, because I know loads of secrets of yours.' Sirius replied happily.

'Yeah, okay, fine.'

'Good luck, Lilykins. Your dormitory is gonna be filled with marauders from now on.'

Lily hadn't even thought of that yet. A whole year of having 4 boys notorious for pranks in her dormitory? She'd never make it through the school year without committing 4 murders.

'Oh no. We're gonna be setting some ground rules once we get to school.'

'Yeah, right. You'll never manage to keep us out of there.'

Lily just rolled her eyes, resolving to cross this bridge when they came to it.

.o.O.o.

Lily sighed. It was 1am, and she just couldn't sleep. She didn't know what it was, but she was exhausted yet her body refused to let her rest. With a sigh, she got up and opened the door. If she couldn't sleep, she might as well make herself some warm milk to help. She slowly walked down the stairs, admiring the intricate handrail. The McKinnon's were a rich pureblood family and she had been to Marlene's house before, but their wealth never failed to impress her. She busied herself in their kitchen, waving her wand and making the kettle boil. A dark figure suddenly appeared in the doorway, causing Lily to shriek and drop her cup.

'Evans? What are you doing at this time?'

That was Potter's voice. Thank Merlin.

'Potter? I'm just getting myself some milk to help myself get to sleep. What're you doing here? Setting a booby trap?'

'No actually, I was going to do the same thing. Padfoot is snoring and keeping me up.'

Lily laughed. 'Um- would you like me to make you some too?'

'Yes, please.'

There was an awkward silence, before James said, 'Hey, Evans, I was wondering if-'

'Oh in the name of Merlin, Potter, I don't mind being head girl with you but _no I will not go out with you.'_

James was silent for a moment. 'Uh- right. Actually, what I was going to ask was whether we could just work together this year. I know you don't particularly like me, but I was hoping we could at least make it through the year without any major curses being inflicted on one another.'

Lily blushed. Already she was embarrassed by him and the term hadn't even started yet.

'Yeah- yeah, I think that would be okay.'

'Great.'

The kettle suddenly dinged, conveniently saving them from another awkward silence. They both got up and Lily poured out two cups of milk. Lily gave him his cup and she looked up at him. He was taller than she remembered, and his messy black hair had grown out a little. _Maybe working with him won't be so bad,_ she thought.

'Thanks.' He said, and walked out of the room.

Lily stared after him. After all, he was going to be sharing for dormitory for the next year. She should at least try to make it work, right? If he kept the not asking her out thing going, she might be able to tolerate him. She smiled to herself and went back upstairs to her room.

 **Please review! Xxx**


	2. Arriving at Hogwarts

'Oh for Merlins's sake Greengrass, I don't care whether you like patrolling with non-Slytherins or not, you're going with Creevey!'

In the prefects compartment on the Hogwarts Express, Lily was growing more and more frustrated by the minute. First it was having to put Remus with Mary, then having to pair up the two new Hufflepuff prefects because, as the boy confided in her, he was really hoping to date her and thought patrolling with her would increase his chances. Then it was being forced to pair the Slytherin boy with Snape because he threatened to hex his partner if they weren't Slytherin, but refused to be with Allegra Greengrass, who refused just about everybody Lily put her with, so she had to put her with Justin Creevey, a seventh year Ravenclaw who was the only person Lily was confident could keep Greengrass under control.

'And why should I listen to a mudblood like you, Evans?' Greengrass drawled.

This seemed to turn James on high alert, even though he had basically just been spectating for the entirety of the train journey. 'Watch it, Greengrass.'

The Slytherin snickered. 'Or what, Potter? Gonna put me in detention?'

'Enough!' Lily said, wanting just to get out of the compartment instead of stuck trying to prevent a fight between James Potter and the slytherin prefects. 'Those are your patrol timetables. Stick to them. If you catch anyone out of bed, take away 10 points from their house and give them a detention. Meeting over!'

She breathed a sigh of relief and walked out the door, grateful to be out of there.

'Hey, Evans!'

She recognised the voice to be Potter's, so she kept on walking.

'Evans! Wait up!'

She turned around reluctantly to face him. He ran up until he caught up with her, then they kept walking. 'What is it?' She asked.

'You really shouldn't let them walk all over you, you know.'

Lily sighed and carried on walking without looking at him. 'You really shouldn't start fights with people when they're not necessary.'

'But they are necessary, Evans. They can't be allowed to get away with calling you, or anyone else, the m-word.'

Lily sighed and turned to face him, stopping him in his tracks. 'No, Potter, they're not. And you're head boy now, so you can't just go around causing trouble.'

Potter rolled his eyes. 'Fine, Evans. But you can't stop me from defending muggle borns from prejudice.'

'Fine. You don't start fights, but you can defend muggle borns. Deal?'

'Fine. Deal.'

.o.O.o.

'So Prongs, when are you holding quidditch trials?' Sirius asked. 'You better let me in, although don't feel any pressure. I'll only tell everybody all your secrets if you don't let me on.'

"Padfoot, that's blackmail."

'Yeah, I know.'

James rolled his eyes. 'Anyway, I'll be holding them tomorrow. Sally, Marlene, you guys trying out as well?'

'Yeah, we will. I didn't get in last year to be keeper, so I'm trying out to be chaser this year.' Marlene said.

'I'm trying out for seeker this year. Gonna try my luck, you know?' Sally was determinedly looking down at her sausages when she said this for some reason. Why was anybody's guess.

James nodded. 'Wormtail, Moony, are you guys coming to watch? Should be fun to see Sirius try to bludger everyone into oblivion again.'

'Hey!'

Peter laughed. 'Well, I'll come. I've got nothing better to do. Moony, you'll come with me, right?' He looked at Remus, who nodded with a mouthful of sausage.

Lily looked around at Mary. 'We'll go to the library? We should probably get a head start on our classes.'

Sally coughed, although it sounded remarkably like 'nerds'.

Lily, ignoring this, turned to James. 'Now, Potter, there are some ground rules we need to set concerning our head dorms. I don't want you sharing out password with ANYONE.'

'What?' Came the indignant cry of all the marauders.

'Yes. I don't want wild parties going on every night that I need my precious sleep.'

'Oh come on, Evans. Are you really meaning to tell me that I can't tell my friends the password, but you can tell your friends?'

'Well, my friends won't cause a racket and get drunk!'

'That's just an injustice, Evans, and you know it. If I can't tell my friends the password, You can't tell yours.'

Lily closed her eyes. When Potter put it like that, it did sound rather unfair. She opened her eyes.

'Fine. You can tell your friends and I can tell mine, but no wild parties, okay? And no getting wasted, at least not loudly.'

'Yes! Thanks, Evans! But how about just one party? Tomorrow night? We'll never have one again. Just- to let it out of our systems.'

'We can't do tomorrow night, _remember_?' James said firmly, looking knowingly at Sirius.

'Ye- yeah, I forgot about that. Two days time, Evans?'

Lily narrowed her eyes. 'Why? What are you doing tomorrow?'

The 4 boys looked at each other quickly. 'We're gonna study!' Sirius said desperately.

Lily sat back and folded her arms. 'Sirius Orion Black' -Sirius flinched at the name- 'that is the single worst lie you have ever told me, and that includes the time that you tried to convince me you were snogging that girl in the corridor because you were 'interested in the human mouth'. What are you doing tomorrow?'

'Nothing, Evans, I promise. You'll see us the next day, perfectly normal. Nothing suspicious, obviously. Now drop it.'

Lily noticed Remus, in particular, was very interested in his potatoes all of a sudden.

'Fine. I'll drop it.' She made a mental note to follow them the next day and see what they got up to. They did this every month. This time she was going to figure out what they were up to. _It can't be that bad, if Remus is involved_ , she thought. After all, he's responsible. They're probably just playing some sort of stupid prank on the slytherins, like blowing up their common room. Probably not that bad.


	3. Finding Out

The following day, in potions class, Lily was still thinking about what the boys were going to do in the evening. Stirring her draught of living death and cursing under her breath when it refused to turn the shade of lilac it was supposed to, she learnt close to Mary, whose potion had gone green.

'Hey, Mary!'

Mary nodded impatiently, not taking her eyes off her potion.

'Hey, did you notice something suspicious about the boys yesterday? The way Sirius really wanted to throw a party and then changed his mind?'

Mary sighed. Clearly she was not as worried as Lily was on this topic.

'Relax, Lily. They're probably just playing a prank on the slytherins. And before you start on your 'they shouldn't target the slytherins' rubbish, they'll be fine.'

'But don't you think we should follow them and find out? Even if you don't go, I will.'

Mary turned away from her potion, which was now emitting brown fumes, and looked at Lily. She was a full head shorter than Lily, but somehow still managed to look slightly intimidating.

'Fine. I will go. But if we get caught-'

'Ladies! Enough chit chat and get to work!' Professor Slughorn's booming voice came from across the room. Lily and Mary both blushed and turned back to their potions, although neither of them forgot their plan.

.o.O.o.

'This is never going to work.' Mary whispered as they sat on the astronomy tower, watching the quidditch trials from afar.

'Course it will.' Lily said, although she was starting to lose confidence. 'When they're finished, we'll just fly down with these broomsticks and follow them in the air.'

'Lily, neither of us have any clue how to fly a broomstick, and they're not thick enough to not notice two teenagers on broomsticks flailing around and trying not to die in the air.'

'Shut up, it's perfect.' Lily said defensively, blushing furiously. True, there was a _slight_ chance that they would be spotted, but Lily was never one to admit that she was wrong. Some people would consider that to be a flaw, but in Lily's opinion, it was just standing by her views.

There was a silence before Mary broke it, although by her rushed words, she'd clearly wanted to say this for the whole day.

'I think Remus and I had a moment while we were patrolling last night.' She said hurriedly, wringing her hands.

' _What?'_

'Yeah. We were joking around on the 3rd floor, talking about- well, that's not important- but we paused and looked into each other's eyes for a second. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking this, but I really think we had a moment.'

Lily paused, thinking it through. Although she didn't mind Remus as a person, Mary dating Remus would mean having Remus's friends constantly around her. She knew it was selfish, but she didn't know if she could stand that. Sharing a dormitory with one (or rather two, considering Sirius had made it perfectly clear he was coming over for sleepovers every night) of them was enough. Although she wasn't really minding them as much anymore... But no! She was supposed to hate them!

'Well- I don't know, Mary. It might have been a moment, but do you really like him?'

'I don't know, Lily! I think- I think I'd like to be around him more as a friend, but I don't know if I'm necessarily ready to _date,_ you know, after McLaggen cheated on me last year-'

'Then leave it at that.' Lily felt terrible for doing this, but if Mary wasn't ready to date anyway, she wasn't quite a horrible person. Right? _Right?_ 'I mean, if there's another moment or if he asks you out, that's your decision, but I wouldn't advise you to go after you if you're not sure.' Phew. That settled her conscience a little.

Mary nodded. 'Right. Well we should go now, it looks like they're finishing.'

She was right. All the players were now on the ground and Potter looked like he was reading a list of the people who had made it onto the team. To Mary and Lily's delight, it looked like Sally and Marlene were both celebrating, so they had both made it. Pettigrew, Remus, Black and Potter then all grouped together and walked off the pitch, but not to the changing rooms, which Lily thought was odd. Instead, they walked off the edge of the pitch, behind the stands, in the direction of the whomping willow.

'We should go now.' Lily whispered to Mary. She didn't know why she was whispering, but something felt ominous now that the sky was getting darker.

Lily and Mary both mounted their brooms, and kicked off into thin air. Lily wobbled on her broomstick, trying to keep balance, while Mary hurtled off after the boys. Lily struggled to catch up with her.

'If one wind blows I am going to fall off of here!' Mary hissed, making sure to not speak loudly enough for the boys to hear. They were acting very suspiciously, checking in every direction to make sure nobody was following them. _Thank god they didn't look up_ , Lily thought. The shivered, but she didn't know whether it was because of fear or the cold.

The boys approached the whomping willow, although they appeared to be arguing about something. The sky was getting darker and darker but they just stood there arguing.

'Lily,' Mary whispered. 'Look at Remus.'

He was looking more and more anxious pointing to the willow and shaking his head whenever any of the other boys said anything to him. His back was turned to them, so they couldn't see his face, but he was clearly getting frustrated. Suddenly, he looked up and froze. Mary and Lily followed his gaze and saw the full moon slowly emerge from the clouds.

Remus shook, and his whole body appeared to be transforming. His clothes ripped off his body and he doubled over in pain, his face growing grey fur. Mary gasped in shock and jerked back, almost falling off her broom, but caught herself and instead hurtled towards the outskirts of the forbidden forest.

'Mary!' Lily followed her, deciding it would be better to stick together instead of staying in the air by herself. She landed in a heap next to Mary, who had her eyes fixated on the boys. When Lily turned around, however, she saw no boys, but a wolf, a stag, a dog and what looked like a small mouse.

'Oh my god.' Lily whispered. 'They're animagi, and Remus is a werewolf.' She tried to run towards them to save the boys from the wolf, but Mary grabbed her hand and pulled her into the forest.

'Don't' She said quietly. 'Look. They're playing with each other.'

She was right, Lily noticed, as the stag and the dog jumped onto the wolf's back and the wolf playfully swatted at them. All was going well until the wind suddenly changed direction and the wolf stopped and sniffed the air.

Lily, now realising the wind was carrying their scent to Remus, started to run away with Mary in tow. Realising she had nowhere to run, she darted across the field, where she was now in plain sight. Remus, having seen them, snarled and started to chase them across the field to the castle.

'Run faster!' Came Mary's high pitched scream.

Lily looked behind her and saw the stag try to wrestle the wolf to the ground, while the dog overtook the wolf and reached the girls. It bent down, and Lily and Mary clambered onto its back. The dog bounded across the field much faster than the girls had done, while the stag and the wolf continued to battle. The dog continued to run until it reached the whomping willow, when it hit a knot with its paw so it froze and darted into a secret passageway until they reached a room that Lily recognised as the shrieking shack. She was thrown off the dog's back and landed face down on the ground, coughing and spluttering. When she sat up and turned around, she looked into the face of a handsome teenage boy with black hair down to his shoulders, who looked angrier than Lily had ever seen him.

'What the bloody hell were you two playing at?' Sirius demanded.


	4. Exhausion

'Um-'

'What?' Sirius demanded again. 'What excuse could you possibly have for following us out to the forbidden forest and nearly getting yourselves killed?'

'Well- I- um- wanted to see why you cancelled your part plans-' Lily began, but she was cut off by Sirius, who now looked more disbelieving than angry.

'Are you kidding me, Evans? What the hell did you think we were doing?'

'Well- I thought maybe you were maybe planning a dangerous prank-'

Sirius threw his hands up into the air. 'You literally followed us into the forbidden forest because you thought we were pranking someone?'

Lily said nothing. Looking at it now, it sounded rather ridiculous, but she wouldn't admit it. She was NOT going to live in a world where Sirius Black was right about being sensible.

Sirius sighed 'Well, now you know. Moony is a werewolf and we all became animagi to help him in his transformations.'

Unable to help herself, Mary said, 'Why the heck would Remus's parents name him Remus Lupin? We're they _trying_ to make him a werewolf?'

Sirius laughed mirthlessly. 'I dunno. I know he got bitten by Fenrir Greyback when he was about 5 because his father insulted Greyback or something, but that's it. You're right though, it is a stupid thing to name your child.'

'A-and Prongs? Padfoot? Wormtail? Oh my god, things make so much more sense now.' Lily clapped her hand to her forehead. How could she have not seen it before? Those names were so telling.

'Well, we figured the idea of us becoming animagi was so ridiculous nobody would ever figure it out.'

'Does anyone else know?' Mary asked quietly.

'Yeah. Snivellus knows, but that's because- well it doesn't matter how he knows- but Dumbledore forced him not to tell anyone. And you guys can't either. He'll be humiliated and people would be terrified of him.'

'Yeah, of course.' Both girls nodded.

'So what do we do now? Can we go back to the castle?' Lily shivered. It was September, and they were in a badly insulated shack at about 11 o'clock at night.

Sirius shook his head. "Too dangerous. Moony could be out there waiting for us to come out. We'll just have to wait until morning. You're welcome to sleep if you want."

There was no way Lily would be able to sleep now. Not only was she inside a freezing cold shack, but all she could think about was the werewolf who was prowling around outside, waiting for her to come out. She looked apprehensively at the entrance, half expecting to see the wolf there.

'I can go and check on him if you want.' Sirius said, following Lily's gaze.

She shook her head. 'No, it's okay. I don't want to put you in danger again.'

She sighed and curled up in a ball, trying to stop her shivering.

.o.O.o.

Hours later, when light came through some cracks on the ceiling, James crawled through the entrance, with marks that looked suspiciously like wolf bites all over his body. He nodded. "All clear now. Wormtail took him to the hospital wing."

Lily sat up. She hadn't been able to sleep all night, so had just been practicing the homework Professor Flitwick had set them- trying to contour flowers from midair. She hadn't had much luck, only conjuring a single petal before throwing her wand on the ground and giving up.

'Potter, I'm so sorry-' she started, before James cut her off.

'It's fine. Now let's get out of here. We have about an hour before breakfast.'

'Is Remus okay?' Mary asked shakily. She hadn't got any sleep either.

'He'll be alright. He's been through worse, although he probably won't be able to look you in the eye for a few days. Now come on. We'd better get back to the castle.'

.o.O.o.

Because they'd stayed up all night, neither Mary nor Lily could pay attention in class that day. Several times in transfiguration McGonagall asked her to pay attention, until she got sick of Lily's yawns that she was sent out. Mary had been slightly better at concealing her exhaustion, so was sent out an hour later by Professor Slughorn.

'Got sent as well, did you?' Lily asked when Mary walked into the common room.

'Yup.' she replied, yawning. 'What are you doing?'

'Catching up on transfiguration. I didn't catch a word of what McGonagall was saying, so here I am using the textbook to copy up notes. I'll go apologise and ask for more tomorrow.'

Mary sank into an armchair by the fire. 'D'you reckon Remus knows what happened?'

'Probably.' Lily replied, although she didn't like it. 'Pettigrew would've told him while they were going to the hospital wing.'

Mary sighed. 'I just don't know, Lily. I feel bad for being scared, but I really am!'

'I know, so am I. I guess we just have to look past the fact that he's a werewolf and see him as the human who he is.'

Mary nodded. Lily continued to scribble down notes.

'How do the boys go through this every month and not get tired?' Mary said, breaking the silence.

Lily laughed. 'I guess they get used to it after raiding the kitchens every night and hardly ever actually going to bed on time. Now they're just naturals at not looking tired.' She closed her books and stood up. 'I can't concentrate. But I can't sleep. Ugh, and I still have so much more catch up to do. And patrol with Potter at ten! Oh my god, I'm not gonna get any sleep tonight.'

Mary stood up as well. 'Well, good luck with your catch up. I'm gonna go visit Remus in the hospital wing. Wanna come?'

'Sorry, Mary, I can't. I have to do this catch up or I'll fall behind.'

'Ok. Bye then.'

Lily watched her leave sadly. She opened her books and continued to mindlessly copy out notes on the sofa. Patrol tonight was going to be awful.

.o.O.o.

'Lily. LILY!'

She shook her head at the sound of Potter's voice,

'Lily, it's time for patrol.'

She sat bolt upright and looked at her watch. 9:55! She must have fallen asleep. She groaned. 'Oh, but it's so late...'

Potter sighed and looked at his watch. 'Look, Evans. Seeing as you're so tired, I'll go on my own today, okay?'

Lily snorted. 'As if I would trust you to do that.'

'Evans, have a little more faith in me, okay? You're not gonna be able to catch any students if you're practically blacking out in the corridor.'

Her subconscious told her not to, but _Merlin_ she was tired. So she nodded sleepily and snuggled into the sofa. She felt him throw something soft at her.

'Here, have a blanket. You look cold.'

She mumbled a thanks and covered herself in it without opening her eyes. She heard the portrait door swing open and closed again, and drifted once again into a dreamless sleep.


	5. Snape and Jealousy

Lily woke up in the middle of the night to two hushed voices talking.

'...wake her?' That was Marlene's voice.

'No, it's not worth it. Snape will just have to wait until morning.' That was Sally.

'We can't have him just prowling around outside waiting for her to get up!'

'She's exhausted, just let her sleep.'

'Are you seriously suggesting that we just let him sit outside until morning?'

Lily sat up, not wanting to hear any more of their repetitive argument. 'What does he want?' She asked blearily, rubbing her eyes.

'Lily! You're awake! Sorry, did we wake you?' Sally asked.

'Yeah, but that doesn't matter. What does he want?'

'I dunno, he just said he wanted to talk.'

Lily sighed and stood up, walking to the portrait hole. Pushing it open, she crawled through and was met by the the familiar face of Severus Snape.

'Well thanks for waking me up!' The fat lady grumbled behind her.

'Lily.' Snape's black eyes regarded her coldly.

'What do you want, Severus?' Lily asked coldly. 'It's way too early for this crap, so just get on with it.'

Snape paused. 'You found out about Lupin.'

It was a statement, not a question, and Lily wasn't bothered to ask how he knew.

'Yeah, so?' she asked defensively.

He walked forwards and gripped Lily's shoulders. She squirmed uncomfortably, but his fingers dug in. 'Now you see how dangerous he and his friends are, Lily. You shouldn't be hanging around with them.'

Lily shoved him off, inspired with a sudden burst of anger. 'He's who Potter saved you from, isn't he? And you weren't grateful at all.'

Snape sneered at the mention of James's name.

'He saved himself and his friends, not me. If he'd let me die, he and his friends would've been expelled. You can't hang out with them, Lily!'

'What do you mean, _can't_? You don't command me, Severus! And I don't hang out with them anyway! We're head boy and head girl, I share a dormitory with Potter, but that doesn't mean I'm friends with him!'

Snape backed away, his eyes looking slightly less dangerous. 'So you're really not friends with him?'

'No!'

'You haven't spoken to him?'

'Oh for the love of Merlin, Severus! You don't want me to _speak_ to him now? He's not as bad as you paint him out to be!'

Snape recoiled with a look of disgust in his eyes.

'I knew it.' He snarled. 'He's got to you.'

'Got to me? _Got to me?_ ' Lily sighed, having had enough of this. She crawled back through the portrait hall without looking back.

'Wait! Lily! Sorry! Hear me out!'

Lily ignored him.

.o.O.o.

'I mean, he's just trying to control me! It's like he thinks of me as his _property_!' Lily ranted to Mary as they sat watching quidditch practice. Marlene had asked them to watch her because she had wanted to show them her new moves, but now she had already showed them, they were still stuck on the stands.

'Sounds to me like someone is getting defensive of Potter.' Mary teased.

Lily snorted. 'That's rich, coming from the person who was with Remus in the hospital wing all night with Remus.'

Mary glared at her. 'That's low, Lily.'

'Sorry.'

Lily stared out at the quidditch pitch, watching Potter and Sally joking around. Sally playfully swatted Potter's arm and he laughed, zooming away from her on his broom. There was an odd boiling feeling in Lily's stomach when she watched this, although she pushed it away immediately. Almost like... _jealousy_. Lily immediately dismissed it as ridiculous. How could she possibly be jealous? She'd spent the past 6 years rejecting him!

Mary laughed, following Lily's gaze. 'Oh my god,' she laughed. 'I was right!'

Lily turned to face her, confused. 'Right about what?'

'You're jealous!' She almost doubled over laughing. 'You're actually jealous of your Sally right now!'

Lily sighed. There was no point in denying it. She'd never been a good liar, much less to her best friend. 'I don't want to date him, it's just... he's only supposed to like me! He's only asked me out for 6 years! He's not supposed to be liking other girls now! I know how petty it is, especially considering I don't particularly want to date him anyway, but I don't want him to date another girl!'

Mary had stopped laughing, although she was obviously still trying to suppress the urge. 'So he's not allowed to date you, but he's also not allowed to date or have fun with any other girls? Lily, you were the one who was just complaining about how Snape was trying to control you!'

'I know, I know!' Lily sighed exasperatedly. I'm obviously not going to stop him from dating anyone else, it just means I- well- won't be happy about it. You won't tell him, will you? Or any of his friends, because that's just as bad.'

Mary shook her head. 'No, I'm not that cruel. But at some point or another someone else is going to be able to tell, so you might want to get better at lying or just admit it. You have patrol with him tonight, don't you?'

'Yeah, at 10.'

'Good luck.' Mary smirked.

Lily scowled.

.o.O.o.

'Ready, Evans?' Potter shouted outside her room.

'Nearly!' Lily pulled on her shoes. She'd been practicing charms on her bed for the past 2 hours, so by the time she finally saw the time was 9:55, she was almost looking forward to patrolling with him.

She walked out of her room, shutting the door behind her. They were just checking the 3rd floor, so this should take less than an hour.

'Did you find anybody yesterday?' Lily asked when they exited the portrait hold.

'Yeah. A fourth year Ravenclaw and a fifth year Hufflepuff were snogging behind a suit of armour. Don't worry, I gave them both detention.' He assured her, seeing her face.

'Good.' Lily took a deep breath. 'I guess I wanted to say thank you for letting me sleep yesterday. It would've been stupid to let me come as well.'

Potter smirked. 'Yeah.'

There was an awkward silence. In past years, Potter would easily have been driving her up the wall already, but this year he seemed almost cautious about not saying too much in front of her. Looking up at him, she could almost see the changes in him. His eyes were less sparkly and mischievous, and he'd stopped ruffling his hair so much. He hadn't stopped completely, but now he seemed to be doing it out of nervousness rather than to impress people.

'You've changed, Potter' Lily said, almost by accident.

He looked pleasantly surprised by the fact that she'd started a conversation.

'How so?' He asked.

'Well, for one, you haven't been asking me out as much-'

'Yeah- I thought I'd let that go.' He said abruptly.

'What?' Lily asked, shocked. She'd noticed that he'd stopped asking her out, but she'd been half expecting him to ask her out grandly in the great hall as some sort of surprise.

'Yeah. You know, I'm a slow learner, it's true, but I do learn. After 6 years, I do get the point.'

Lily was silent. He'd really given up on her? So he was never asking her out ever again? He was just going to keep flirting with Sally, one of her best friends, and never ask her out again? Was she not special enough for him anymore?

'You alright, Evans? You haven't said anything for like, a full minute.'

Lily shook herself out of it. _Get over yourself, Lily_.

'Yeah, I'm okay. Let's just keep patrolling.'

She noticed Potter looking at her curiously, but she didn't care and just kept walking. She knew she was being the unreasonable one here, but she didn't want to look him in the eye. She carried on walking on ahead of Potter, vowing never to feel this way about him again.


	6. Fears Become a Reality

Several weeks later, Lily's feelings hadn't left. She'd tried hard to get them out of her head, but that only made them stronger, to the point that she couldn't watch quidditch practice anymore because she just couldn't stand to watch James and Sally be so close with each other. She thought she'd hidden her feelings quite well since not watching quidditch matches, but unfortunately for Mary, that meant she was subjected to long rants by Lily almost every night on how obnoxious James was for messing with her feelings like this.

One day in late November, Lily was eating breakfast with Marlene. Marlene was telling her all about how she thought some boy- Tom?- had been flirting with her. Lily nodded along, trying to look interested, but she didn't care about how he'd hugged her for a second more than normal, or how she thought he might have tried to sniff her hair. She knew this boy, anyway. He was ugly, stupid and didn't hold a candle to James on the quidditch pitch. Not that she paid much attention, of course.

Suddenly, the Slytherin table exploded into clouds of pink candyfloss. The whole great hall burst into laughter, with the obvious exceptions of the Slytherins. Even Lily, who usually opposed these types of pranks, laughed along with her friends when she saw Narcissa Black, who was usually so calm and collected, shrieking and nearly ripping her hair out while trying to get rid of the candyfloss.

'POTTER! BLACK! PETTIGREW! LUPIN! DETENTION TO ALL OF YOU FOR A WEEK!' McGonagall shouted over the din, although she also looked like she was trying to suppress her laughter.

'What!?' Sirius protested. 'You don't even know it was us, Professor!'

'Sirius, it's ALWAYS you four. I don't think she needs proof.' Sally laughed, clutching her sides.

'Now someone could just play a prank and pin the blame on us.' Sirius grumbled unhappily.

Lily laughed at his childishness. A few months ago, she probably would've got angry and given them extra detentions, but today she found their pranks more amusing. _Maybe it's because James was part of it,_ a small voice in her head said, but she quickly pushed that thought aside. It couldn't be true. She didn't _like_ James, she was just upset that he'd gotten over her. That was all. Right?

.o.O.o.

Lily walked up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, sighing. She was supposed to be patrolling with James right now, and he wasn't in his room. 9 times out of 10, if he wasn't in his room, he was in the boys' dormitory or the kitchens, so she decided to check the dorms first. She got to the top of the stairs and knocked on their door.

'Come in' came a quiet voice.

She opened the door and saw Remus lying on his bed holding a magazine, his hair ruffled on the headboard.

'Hi Lily.'

'Hey Remus. Do you know where James is?'

'He's in the bathroom having a shower. He'll be out in a minute.'

Lily nodded. 'Great. Well when he comes out, can you please tell him to meet me at the portrait hall asap. He's late for patrol.' She started to turn back to the door.

'Yeah.' Remus turned the page of his magazine. 'You know Lily, if you like him so much, you can just ask him out.'

Lily whipped her head round to look at him in alarm. Had Mary told him?

'What do you mean _like_ him? I don't like him!' She said defensively.

Remus snorted disbelievingly. 'Lily, if you think nobody noticed your looks of jealousy when you stared at him and Sally in quidditch-'

'Shhhh!' Lily said quickly, looking around in case James had come out of the shower and was listening. Luckily he hadn't.

Remus laughed. 'Seriously, you should tell him. He's been waiting for this since first year.'

Lily shook her head. 'I don't have a _crush_ on him, I'm just upset that I don't matter to him, that's all. You'd think after 6 years of liking me, he wouldn't give up on me that easily. And don't talk to me about liking people, we all know you like Mary!'

Remus stared at her disbelievingly. 'Seriously?' He asked. 'Okay A: Stop changing the subject to me and Mary and B: Easily? Lily, he pined after you for 6 years, embarrassing himself every time you said no! He didn't give up easily! He's just dong what he thinks is what you want him to do!'

As much as his words resonated the truth, Lily didn't want to hear it. 'Goodbye, Remus.' She said, marching out of the dormitory and shutting the door behind her.

.o.O.o.

Lily walked into her room, having just finished patrol with James. She shut the door and turned around, to see Sally sitting on her bed.

'Sally? What're you doing here?' Lily asked worriedly. Had Remus or Mary told her about her feelings? No, they wouldn't have. She could always deny everything, or claim it was a joke-

'I need to talk to you about something.' sally said nervously, wringing her hands in her lap.

This did not help Lily's stress levels, as this sounded very suspicious. 'Okay... what is it?'she asked.

Sally took a deep breath. 'Now, you know how James an I have been getting closer?'

'Yeah...?' Lily asked suspiciously. This could only be going in two directions- Sally saying how she was going to ask James out or Sally knowing how Lily felt about him. Lily wasn't sure what to hope for.

Sally took another deep breath. 'Well, I've started to like him- you know, like in a boyfriend way- and I guess I was wondering if it would be okay with you if I asked him out.'

Option one, then. Lily felt like she had been punched in the stomach.

'Wha- what?' She asked quietly, hoping she'd heard incorrectly.

'Would you be okay with me asking James out?' Sally asked again.

'Why would you ask for my permission?'

'Well- and don't get mad at me or anything- I thought maybe because of, you know, the last 6 years- you might not be okay with me going out with him. And I just want you to know that I won't ask him out if you're not comfortable with it.' She added quickly.

Lily was silent. She didn't want Sally to date James, but she could hardly tell Sally that. She'd rather watch them date than be forced to admit to feeling something she'd sworn never to feel since she was 11.

'Go ahead.' Lily said, knowing she'd regret her pride later. 'Ask him out.'

Sally's face lit up in a huge smile. 'Really, Lily? Are you sure?'

Lily forced a smile and nodded. She hated it, but she wanted Sally to be happy. She deserved it, far more than Lily did. It wouldn't be fair to deny Sally of dating who she wanted to if Lily didn't even have the guts to ask him out herself.

'Oh, Lily!' Sally threw her arms around her in gratitude.

'Do you think he likes you back?' Lily asked.

'I don't know, but I hope so! Oh god, I'm too nervous now! I'll go to my room now, it's late.' Sally got up from Lily's bed, still beaming, and walked out.

Lily sat on her bed and felt the tears trickle down her cheeks. It was her own fault, she knew, for rejecting him for 6 years. She should've known that he'd move on eventually. She climbed under the covers, too miserable to even get out of her school uniform, and eventually fell asleep.


	7. Worst Fears Become Even Worse

'You did WHAT?'

Mary and Remus both stared open mouthed at Lily, having just heard that she let Sally ask out James.

'Why would you do that?' Mary asked.

'Well- I didn't want to say how I felt? She'd think that I liked him or something-' Lily stopped when Remus threw his hands up in the air.

'Lily Rosa Evans, are you honestly still trying to pretend you don't like him? You're freaking obsessed!'

Lily started to say something in her defence, but Mary cut her off.

'Lily, I'm not going to force you, but you really should tell her. If not for yourself then for me. I've had to deal with your rants every night for about 2 months now!'

'And I've had to deal with James complaining about his broken heart for SIX YEARS now. He embarrassed himself for over half a decade for you, I doubt he's over you.'

Lily gawped at the two of them.

'Wu- well I can stop ranting to you if you want, Mary- and I'm sorry about his complaining, Remus, but that's not my fault-'

'No, it's not. But it's also not the main reason you're telling him. You're telling him because you know you'll regret not telling him later if they start properly dating and you're forced to watch.'

'No, I-'

'If you don't tell Sally or James before the Christmas ball I'll tell her myself.' Remus said finally.

Lily was speechless. Now he was _blackmailing_ her? Even Mary was looking at him with a surprised expression.

'Now, Remus, I'm not sure that's neces-'

'Let me tell you why is shouldn't tell them.' Lily got off her bed and stood in front of Remus, looking at him pleadingly. 'Number 1, it would be unfair to Ja- I mean Potter. He asks me out for six years, and the minute he starts to show interest in another girl, I break them up? Number 2, I don't know how long I would last with him anyway. Even if I started dating him, who knows if we'll break up within the week? Then I've just broken up a potentially life long couple for absolutely nothing. Number 3, it would be unfair to Sally. I just told her I would be okay with it, and she was so happy about it. You should've seen her. How can I just tell her afterwards that I'm actually not okay with it for purely selfish reasons? Number 4, he probably doesn't like me anyway. And before you try to tell me that he won't be over me because he's liked me for so long, how do you know he wasn't over me ages ago and just kept asking for the sake of asking? That would break Sally's heart because I asked out her crush and it was for nothing anyway. I don't want to lose Sally as a friend!' Lily sat back down. For some reason, those reasons didn't seem to matter so much to her anymore.

Remus and Mary both looked at her.

'Are you sure the main reason isn't that you're just scared to ask?' Remus asked

Lily rolled her eyes. 'Well, maybe just a bit.'

Remus sighed. 'I get all those reasons, Lily. But I still think you should tell him, because I know you'll regret it if you don't You know that too, don't you?'

Lily looked down at her knees. 'Yeah, maybe.'

'So tell him. Sally might be a tiny bit annoyed, but she'll understand. She's a good friend.'

'Yeah, fine. I'll tell him.' Lily said reluctantly. 'But,' she said quickly, seeing their smiles, 'you two have to go to the Christmas ball together.'

'WHAT?' They both spluttered.

'Yes. If you do that, I'll go tell him now.'

They looked at each other, as if having a silent exchange, and looked back at her.

'Fine.' Mary said, and Remus nodded.

Lily smiled and took out her transfiguration books. 'I'll tell him on patrol tonight.' She said. _This is going to be one interesting evening_ , she thought to herself.

.o.O.o.

Lily and James were walking down a 3rd floor corridor. Lily tried to work up the courage to do what she had promised Remus and Mary she would do, but so far all she'd got out was a measly hi and a few grunts of approval when he said something interesting. Now they were just walking along in awkward silence.

'Oi!' it was the first word spoken in about 10 minutes, and James had caught a student hiding behind a suit of armour. He walked around the back and dragged the student back to Lily. It was a 2nd year girl with blonde plaits. Lily recognised her as being one of the Slytherins who had been covered with the pink candyfloss from the boys' prank the previous day.

'What're you doing out here this late?' James asked, sounding sterner than Lily had ever heard him.

'I was- um- doing patrol?' She lied.

Lily snorted. 'How stupid do you think we are, girl? That's 10 points from Slytherin and detention for two weeks for lying to us.'

'No! No, please! You can't take away points! I'll do double detention!' She added hopefully.

'Why can't you have points taken away?' Lily asked, not wavering. It was hardly the first time that a student had tried to get away with breaking the rules with her.

'The older boys will get mad at me. Please?'

'Fine.' James said before Lily could interject. You'll do a month's detention with me. Now go back to your dormitory.'

The girl smiled and ran off, no doubt excited about having avoided the loss of house points.

Lily turned to James accusingly. 'You just let her off without proper punishment!'

'Yeah, but I don't want her to be hexed or cursed or anything by the boys. She's only 12 or 13, she doesn't deserve it.'

'She needs to be taught the right punishment! Or are you going to make another ridiculous choice and let another girl go?'

James looked at her oddly. 'Another girl go?' He asked.

Lily paused awkwardly. 'Uh- I meant Sally. She likes you a lot, you know.' Phew. Pinning it on Sally.

James nodded. 'Yeah, we have a date on Saturday.'

Lily's heart dropped. 'What? Already?' She hadn't even got the chance to tell him she liked him and he was already taken.

'Yeah, she asked me out just before patrol. We're going to Hogsmead together this Saturday.'

Lily turned away, feeling sick to the stomach. Even when Sally told her that she wanted to ask James out, it hadn't felt as real as it did now.

'Lily? You okay?'

She turned back round and saw James staring at her, looking concerned.

'Yeah- actually, I'm not feeling so well. I'm going to bed.' She said, and fled to the common room. She ran, tears building up in her eyes, until she got to the portrait of the fat lady.

' _Homes revelio',_ she said, and it swung open, only to reveal Sally's smiling face, which really wasn't a welcome sight considering what she was upset about.

'Lily! Lily, I asked him and he said yes!' She cried, beaming and hugging her.

Lily looked behind Sally to see Marlene and Remus staring at her pityingly, Sirius and Peter sitting in armchairs by the fire.

'Yeah, that's great.' Lily said sullenly. 'I'm gonna go to bed now. I'm really tired. Goodnight!' She tried and failed to stop her voice from shaking, and ran up the stairs to her room to cry.


	8. Jason Peterson

Lily was studying in the library after school. A few days had gone by, and she was sure that she'd gotten over James and Sally. All she needed was to do well in this potions mid-year and be top of the class. She hated it when anyone surpassed her in any class, but potions was particularly bad as she was supposed to be good at it. Luckily Professor Slughorn liked her and was generous with her marks. Not that she needed them, of course.

'Hey Lily!' Marlene slid in the seat beside her.

'Yeah? Make this quick, I'm revising for potions.'

'Tomorrow will you come with me to Hogsmead to pick out dresses for the Christmas Ball? I know it's 3 weeks away, but this stuff takes serious thought.'

Lily sighed. She hated thinking about the ball, especially when she now had to seriously try to find a date. She always had James as a backup in previous years.

'Yeah, sure. Now leave me alone, I need to study.' She said dismissively.

Marlene looked down at Lily's furious scribbles all over her notes. And shook her head. 'Lily, you do realise we'll be working in pairs for this, and there's no need for you to do this much preparation?'

'Yes, but what if I'm paired with some doofus who hasn't prepared at all? I'm revising for the two of us to pass.'

'Nerd.' Marlene muttered.

'What?'

'Nothing. I'll see you later. Bye Lily!' Marlene stood up and walked out of the library, most likely to do some revision, Lily thought. It always stressed Marlene out seeing Lily do work because she felt like she should be working as well. She rolled her eyes and looked back at her work. The test was on Monday, and she really needed to pay attention.

.o.O.o.

'...was obviously a foul, I got hit straight in the face!' Sirius was saying as Lily approached the table for dinner.

'Lily!' Marlene called as she sat down. 'We were just discussing Sirius's spectacular fail as a beater.'

'It was NOT a fail, it was a foul-'

'Anyway,' Mary interrupted, filling Lily's glass full of pumpkin juice, 'have you seen the _Prophet_ this morning? There were 3 death eater attacks on muggles.'

Lily's heart skipped a beat. 'Muggles are in danger now?' She asked, her throat constricted.

'Here, have a look.' Mary pushed the newspaper towards her.

 _ **Muggles Attacked- Nobody is Safe**_

 _Last night, 3 muggle houses had the Dark Mark left over them. One house belonged to 2 adults and their 4 children, all who were found dead by the authorities. The other 2 houses only had 1 adult inside each, but the Ministry would like to warn everybody to be careful, wherever they are. Death Eaters are sure to target muggle borns after this and will likely be looking to recruit more people- likely teenagers- into their ranks._

Lily pushed the newspaper away, feeling sick.

'Are you okay, Evans? It's very sad, isn't it?' Peter squeaked.

'Yeah, it's sad. Especially considering my parents and my sister are muggles.' Lily said angrily. They didn't seem to get how dangerous it was for people like her. People who had family that Death Eaters targeted above all.

Everyone was silent. Peter looked down in shame. Lily sighed and shook her head.

'Sorry.' she said. ' i wouldn't have got angry. But do you think I should tell them to be careful? I think my mum and dad would be okay with it, but my sister would get annoyed and say it was all my fault because "freaks" like me are killing "normal people" like her.'

'What?!' Sirius exclaimed. 'That's outrageous, even more outrageous than that foul-'

'I think you should tell them.' Sally said before Sirius could start ranting about quidditch. 'I mean, your sister might get mad, but her safety's more important than her feelings. If she got attacked, you know you'd regret not telling her. I'll tell my dad, too. My mum won't tell him, she probably hates him so much she actually wants him to be attacked.'

Lily nodded. It did make the most sense, she just didn't want to face Petunia's wrath. She swallowed the last bite of her chicken casserole and stood up.

'Gonna go now guys, see you later.' She said abruptly, then left. Sally followed her, saying she wanted to send a letter to her dad as well.

They walked up the stairs together in awkward silence.

'So I hear you and Marlene are going dress shopping tomorrow.' Sally said when they reached the stairs.

'Yeah, she wants to get something. i dunno if I'm even gonna go, I don't have a date yet.'

Sally gaped at her. 'Are you crazy?' She asked. 'You have to go! It's the only year you can!'

'But I don't even have a date!'

'Neither do I, but I'm still going!'

'You have a date to Hogsmead at least!' Lily could not help herself from sounding bitter when she said that. Thankfully, Sally mistook it as just being jealous that she didn't have a date.

'Well, you can always get a date! There are plenty of boys at Hogwarts who would go out with you! Seriously, Lily, you have to go to he ball!'

'Yeah, whatever.' Lily was spared from having to reply as they had reached the common room and their owls were in their respective dormitories. 'Well- good luck, Sally.'

'You too.' She called back.

Lily stomped her way up the staircase. Even though Sally was one of her closest friends, she couldn't help but find her irritating lately. It wasn't even just the jealousy which she refused to admit was there. It was her being so oblivious to the fact that Lily didn't want her to date James so she kept rubbing it in her face. When she reached her room, she grabbed two pieces of parchment and scribbled down her letters furiously.

 _Dear Mum and Dad,_

 _You probably don't know this, but there were some attacks that ended in death on some muggles yesterday. I just wanted to warn you so you could be careful in case you come across some dangerous wizards. If you see the dark mark (looks like a skull with a serpent as a tongue), RUN._

 _Love,_

 _Lily xxx_

 _Dear Petunia,_

 _I know you'll hate me for this and won't believe me, but I just wanted to warn you about some attacks on muggles by some evil wizards called death eaters. Please be careful, although if you tossed this in the fire without opening it then I guess this is useless._

 _Love,_

 _Lily xxx_

She attached them to her owl Tulip and sent them off. She watched her fly away and sat down on her bed. She could just see the look on Petunia's face when she saw Tulip flying towards her. Lily hoped she wouldn't be with Vernon when Tulip arrived as Petunia would no doubt just throw the letter away in front of him without opening it. It was only 7:49, way too early for bed, but she felt exhausted. _You still have to go shopping with Marlene tomorrow_ , she thought to herself despairingly. The ball was such a depressing thought now. Even though she usually enjoyed clothes shopping with her friends, tomorrow she'd just be filled with the thoughts of James and Sally together at the 3 Broomsticks. She didn't want to think about that, or she'd start feeling jealous again. She still had so much revision to do before Monday. It just wasn't enough time! Sighing, she started to take off her clothes to have a shower. There was no point in revising tonight if she couldn't concentrate. She was just about to walk into the bathroom before there was a knock on the door.

'Evans? Evans, I'm coming in!' It was James's voice.

Lily shrieked and slammed the bathroom door behind her, narrowly avoiding James seeing her naked.

'Evans? Where are you?'

'Hold on!' _Oh dear god, my underwear is still out there_ , she thought to herself, panicking.

'Oh- oh.' James had clearly seen her clothes strewn across the floor. 'Uh- never mind, I'll come back later. Sorry.'

'No, it's okay! Just talk to me from out there. What do you want?'

'Uh- well I guess I was wondering if, as Sally friend, you would help me plan our date?'

'We're having a date?' Lily had no idea what made her say it, but she immediately realised her mistake and covered her mouth in horror.

'Uh- I meant my date with Sally, but we can have a date too, Evans, if you like.' James's voice was unmistakably laced with amusement, and Lily blushed bright red even though he couldn't see her.

'No, I'm okay. Sure I'll help you plan! What do you need?'

'Well, I was wondering what restaurants she likes, for one.'

'Uh-' Lily thought. Sally had never really been one for restaurants on dates, but she didn't think James would appreciate being dragged to the Shrieking Shack and being snogged there, especially considering what James saw Remus go through every month in there. She briefly considered deliberately ruining their date so that they would break up, but she quickly pushed that thought out fo her head. _Sally's your friend,_ she thought. _You can't do this to her._ 'Well, I thinks she likes the 3 Broomsticks.' She said, not untruthfully.

'Great. And what would she like as a gift? I was thinking of getting her perfume.'

'Well, she likes lavender perfume, but where would you get that this late?'

'Hogsmead, duh.'

'How in the name of Merlin-'

'Don't get into the nitty gritty of things, Evans.' Lily could practically see the smirk spreading across James's face as he said that, even though she couldn't actually see him. That was a probably good thing though, considering how embarrassed she was having a conversation through a wall with James Potter while naked in the bathroom.

'Well, I think that's enough then, Evans. Happy showering.'

'Screw you, Potter.'

James laughed and started to walk towards the door, but he stopped abruptly.

'Potter? What are you doing?'

'Um- Evans, why have your potions notes got 'JP' written on them?'

Lily froze. She hadn't realised that she'd been doodling, but now that she thought about it, she had written surprisingly little for 4 hours of work.

Lily sighed. 'You won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you, will you?'

'No, of course not. What?'

'I have a crush on Jason Peterson.'

'WHAT?'

Jason Peterson was a Hufflepuff 7th year, with freckles all over his face and a lopsided grin. He had been the first Lily could think of with the initials JP.

'Yeah. Please don't tell anyone?'

'Yeah, sure...' James's voice contained the faintest trace of disbelief, but he let it go. 'Anyway, bye Evans!'

As he walked away, Lily groaned into her hands. There were so many other people with the initials JP who were less embarrassing. James Punch, the famous quidditch player, Jared Plight, a Slytherin 7th year who was at least good looking, John Parrod, the astronomer... the list went on and on. Deciding she shouldn't think about it, Lily sighed and turned the shower on. She'd better ask out Jason Peterson sooner back up her claim, then she could break up with him. Anything to throw James off the trail.


	9. Hogsmead

'I'm sorry, Marlene. I just don't have the money to buy any of these dresses!'

Lily and Marlene had gone into almost every shop that sold dresses, Marlene insisting on trying on about half the dresses they saw, but Lily adamantly refused to buy any of them. At first she'd just not wanted to go to the dance, but then she'd seen the price tags and used that excuse instead.

'Rubbish, Lily. The only way you wouldn't have enough money is because you spend so much on new quills and textbooks. Just save up and invest in a dress!' Marlene said this as if she thought it a perfectly logical solution.

'Marlene, I am not going to sacrifice my education for one dress to be worn on one night to a ball that I'm most likely not going to go to!'

'Stop it, Lily. You're gonna go.'

'No, I'm not. Why would I?

'Why would you not?' Marlene and Lily were now standing face to face, Marlene staring Lily in the face, and Lily suspected that she knew something.

'Marlene, what do you know?' Lily asked shakily.

Marlene sighed. 'Well, I don't know anything. But I suspect that you like James because of your looks of jealousy when you saw him and Sally leave earlier this morning. And I suspect that you're annoyed that after all these years, James could ever move on to another girl.'

Not even bothering to deny it, Lily nodded. 'Fine. Does anyone else know? Except Mary and Remus.'

'If you're asking if James or Sally know, I think Sally is too wrapped up in the fact that she's dating her crush to realise or care and James can't even imagine it after all these years that you like him. Maybe Sirius and Peter know, but they haven't told James. So what's the real reason you don't want to go to the dance?'

'I don't want to see them together while I have nobody and I'm just alone! I just can't believe that after all this time when he asked me out, I was too stupid to say yes, and now he's just abandoned me for another girl! And I know how selfish and petty it is, but I'm just so done with being nice! Being nice or being jealous isn't gonna make a difference, and being jealous is easier, so I'll just be jealous! I mean, I', happy for Sally, I really am, that's why I gave her my blessing in the first place, but ugh! I'm just not comfortable with them dating! Especially because she's one of my best friends! It's a constant reminder of my failures!'

The monologue burst out of her like she'd been holding it back for too long, and Marlene looked slightly taken aback. Apparently she hadn't seen Lily get this riled up over a boy before, especially not James Potter.

'Wow, Lily. A lot of money would change hands in the school if they found out about this.' Lily glared at her. Marlene continued. 'But you should still go to the ball, even if you don't particularly want to. Because it puts yourself out there! You want a date? You're Lily Evans. You can get one easily. It's not like James is here to hex anyone who asks you out anymore. You just pay for a dress with what you can and I'll pay the difference, okay?'

Lily sighed and shook her head. 'Fine, I'll go. But I'm not spending tons of money on a dress that I'll never wear again.'

'Fine. Now let's go to Madame Flegley's. They have some really great but cheap dresses.'

Naturally, Marlene had only looked at the price tag for her dress when she was paying for it, knowing she could afford it no matter the price, but even she was shocked to see the 239 galleons and 12 sickles price. Lily decided that she wouldn't buy anything over 50 galleons, although this did narrow her options significantly.

'How about this one?' Marlene said for what seemed like the millionth time, holding up a blue dress with full sleeves.

Lily shook her head. 'No, I don't want full sleeves. And that neckline is way too low cut.'

Marlene grumbled and walked out of the changing room again to come back with a green sleeveless dress. 'This one?' She asked wearily, obviously fully expecting Lily to find something wrong with it.

However, Lily looked at it carefully and took it from Marlene. Sighing in relief, Marlene walked out and sat on one of the chairs by the changing rooms. Lily pulled out of her wand and tapped her dress, immediately swapping it for her normal clothes. Admiring herself in the mirror, she wasn't sure about the length of the dress as it was trailing on the floor, but she could fix that easily with a few charms. She also really liked how the green brought out the colour of her eyes. She opened the curtains and looked out.

'Well, Marly, it's too long-' she grinned at Marlene's instant groan. 'Kidding. I'll buy this one. How much is it?'

'55 galleons and 8 sickles, but I will pay 5 galleons and 8 sickles. Please, for the love of Merline, PLEASE don't look for another dress.'

'No, it's okay, Marly. You don't have to. I'm sick of trying them on as well, I'll just pay.'

Lily paid for her dress and they walked outside with their dresses carefully folded up in their bags.

'So where do you wanna get lunch?' Lily asked.

'The three broomsticks? I'm really craving a butter beer right now.' Marlene suggested.

'Yeah, okay.'

They walked towards the three broomsticks, passing several couples on the way. Being early December, there was frost on the grass, although there wasn't any real snow. Lily had made sure to wrap up warm when going outside, but Marlene hadn't and was shivering as they walked to the bar.

'Honestly Marlene, you should have listened to me about wearing a warm coat.' Lily teased as Marlene rubbed her arms.

'You sound like my mum.' Marlene grumbled, opening the door to the Three Broomsticks.

A wave of warm air hit them as they walked in, and they pushed their way through the crowd of people to reach the bar.

'Two butterbeers, please.' Lily said to Madam Rosmerta, who nodded and starting preparing the drinks.

Lily turned to Marlene, who was standing behind her, and froze. Sally and James were sitting at the back of the restaurant, heads together, laughing about something. Marlene followed her gaze.

'Um- maybe we should go to a different place for a drink.' She said.

'No, it's okay. I just forgot they'd be here.' Lily said, half wanting to make sure Sally and James didn't get too affectionate and half still in denial about her feelings.

Madam Rosmerta gave them the drinks and Lily paid for them, then looked around for a table. There were none except for the one opposite James and Sally.

Marlene made an uncomfortable noise. 'Yeah, I'm really thinking that we should go somewhere else now.' She said to Lily, who was walking in the direction of the table.

'No, it's okay. I need to keep an eye on them anyway.' Lily replied forcefully.

'Lily, you don't have to-'

Lily stopped when she saw James lean in and Sally kiss him. She watched them, frozen, as they slowly deepened their kiss. Sally's hands were in James's hair, and Lily was filled with a mixture of sadness, anger and about all, jealousy. But this time, she was angry with herself. This was her own fault. _Stop the internal monologuing,_ she thought to herself angrily. Turning around angrily, she saw Jason Peterson standing at the bar alone and made her way towards him.

'Lily, what are you-' Marlene started, following her.

'Hey Jason, how are you?' Lily asked, batting her eyes flirtily.

Marlene's mouth dropped open.

'Um- I'm alright. How are you?' Jason was clearly uncomfortable. Lily didn't think he'd ever even been talked to by a girl before if it wasn't to do with studies, let alone been flirted with.

'I'm good.' Lily replied, sipping her drink. She looked at him. She didn't particularly want to date him, but she had to make do with what she had. 'So, Jason, should we come here together tomorrow? Meet at say... 10:00?'

Jason stared at her disbelievingly, but nodded. Marlene made a choking noise. Lily smiled and turned around to see her shell-shocked face.

'Let's go, Marly. See you tomorrow Jason!' Lily called over her shoulder.

'Yeah, you too.' He replied. Lily looked over at him and saw his badly concealed smile as he tried to pretend being asked out was no big deal. The poor guy.

Lily turned back to Marlene. 'Well, this should be fun.'

'Fun?' Marlene asked incredulously. 'Is this your way of making James jealous? Really?'

'What? He's sweet!'

'Yeah, and you shouldn't be playing him like this! You're giving him false hope!'

'Well-'

'Hey Lily! Did you just ask out Jason?' Sally bounded towards them, James following her.

'Yeah. Done snogging now?'

Sally blushed bright red. 'Yeah. Why did you ask him out?'

'Yeah, why _him?_ ' James asked.

'He's cute. Why, do you have a problem with that?' Lily said, staring at James hopefully.

'Nah, just wondering.'

Lily smiled painfully. 'Yeah, we're going to go now. See you guys later!'

Lily turned away from James's face towards the door. For about 2 seconds after James had said Jason's name jealously, she had been able to pretend to herself that James had liked her. No such luck. And now she had to go out with Jason Peterson! She was just so tired of pining after James, but she couldn't help the way she felt. maybe going out with Jason would help her slightly. _Every cloud has a silver lining_ , she thought to herself miserably.


	10. Other Options?

'I can't believe you're actually going through with this.' Marlene said, shaking her head.

'What? He's sweet!' Lily sat in front of her dressing table, brushing her hair for her date.

'You and I both know that's not the reason you're going on this date, Lily You're trying to cover for what you told James when he saw your doodles and make him jealous in one go.' Marlene yawned.

They were in Lily's bedroom, Marlene sitting on Lily's bed, watching Lily getting ready. Lily watched her carefully in the mirror.

'No, that's why I'm going on this date because he's sweet. That's the way it's gonna stay.' She said defensively.

'So are you really gonna date this guy or are you gonna must go on the one date? Because you can't keep stringing him along, that's just cruel.'

'Will you stop ignoring what I say? I'm not stringing him along, I think he's sweet!' Lily was beginning to get more and more frustrated. Even if Marlene didn't really believe her, she could at least pretend!

'Sure sure, wathever you say.'

Lily glared at Marlene through the mirror but said nothing. Carefully applying the last bit of eyeliner, she stood up.

'Well, bye. I'll see you later after my date.' She said, walking out the door.

'Good luck!' Marlene called after her.

.o.O.o.

'So what do you do for fun?' Lily asked Jason while they walked along the snowy paths.

'Well, I like to study and read books.' Jason said quietly in response.

Lily felt sorry for the guy. She couldn't tell if he was antisocial or just shy, but he clearly hadn't got attention from girls before. She felt more sorry for herself though, considering she was on this disaster of a date with this ridiculously boring guy. She sighed in self pity.

Jason looked over at her and sighed.

'Sorry, you're not enjoying this at all, are you?' He said.

Lily looked up at him. So he wasn't quite as quiet as she thought he was.

'Well, it's not too bad.' She said, trying to soften the blow. It would clearly be a lie if she said she was enjoying herself, but she didn't want to tell him the outright truth.

'Sorry, my friends told me not to say too much. Apparently girls like to talk about themselves a lot, so I shouldn't talk and interrupt them.' he said apologetically.

Lily looked up at him, shocked. he really wasn't so bad.

She laughed. 'Well, it's true, but you can talk, you know. I won't bite your head off for it.'

'Well, okay then. I'm sorry I seemed to boring then. I'm not really like that, I do talk about other things. So what do you want to talk about?'

'Ummm,' Lily considered. 'Well, we can talk about the Christmas ball. Have you got a date yet?'

'No, I haven't. Have you?'

'Nope.'

'Hey, do you wanna go together? You don't have to say yes, I was just wondering, since neither of us have dates-'

'Yeah, of course.' _Finally,_ she had a date. She didn't have to look like a sad loner at the Christmas ball now.

Jason smiled at her. 'Well, that's great. Do you want to go to Honeydukes now? I could really use some sweets.'

.o.O.o.

Lily walked into her dormitory, throwing her cloak onto her bed. Overall, the day had gone well. She and Jason had spent the rest of the day laughing while shopping. He had told her about how he was studying for the potions exam and they had talked about their similar interests, which included studies, owls, and above all, sugar quills from Honeydukes. They'd even agreed to go on a second date next weekend. She smiled to herself. Even if he wasn't James, he was still really nice to her and she looked forward to the second date. She picked up her hairbrush band started to brush her hair, until she saw herself in the mirror and screamed.

'JAMES CHARLUS POTTER! SIRIUS ORIÓN BLACK! WHY IN THE NAME OF MERLIN DID MY HAIR TURN GREEN WHEN I BRUSHED IT?' She shrieked as she stomped her way down the stairs.

'What?' Sirius asked idly, turning a page of his book. Remus and Peter sat next to him, playing wizard chess.

'Don't you dare pretend to be ignorant, Black.' Lily growled. 'If you thought pretending to read a book was going to make yourself look innocent, you should've known better, since you _never_ read books unless you're trying to look innocent. WHY DID YOU DO THIS?'

'Calm down, Evans!' James said, appearing behind her. 'It'll wear off in about a week.'

'A WEEK?' She screamed. She usually didn't get this angry, but she cared a lot about how her hair looked. It was the only part of her which she _liked_ , for Merlin's sake.

'JAMES CHARLUS POTTER! SIRIU-' Mary screamed as she came downstairs, before seeing Lily. 'They did you too?' She asked, her hair a bright shade of neon pink.

Remus grinned sheepishly. 'Yeah, Marlene and Sally are in the bathroom trying to wash out theirs right now.'

'WHA-'

'You dyed the hairs of all of us?' Mary asked, interrupting Lily.

'Just you four, yeah.'

Mary breathed a deep breath through her nostrils. 'Fine,' she said tightly. 'but the only way I'm leaving this tower like this is if you four dye your hair as well.'

'I second that.' Lily said, with a stab of resentment. Why couldn't _she_ have been the fun one who made James dye his hair? Now she was just the girl who screamed at him, whereas Mary was the cool one who made it all better.

'What? Dye my beautiful hair-' Sirius started.

'Fine.' Remus said. Peter looked at him.

' _What?_ ' Sirius said incredulously. 'If you think I'm dying my hair-'

'That's great!' Mary started turning away and beckoned to Lily. 'Now come on, Lily, we need to try to figure out how to make this better.'

Lily followed Mary up to her dormitory, Sirius's protests getting further and further away.

'So how was Jason?' Mary asked once they got to her dormitory, standing in front of her mirror and trying some spells on her hair to make it look nicer. 'Marlene told me you asked him out to make James jealous.'

Lily rolled her eyes. Of course she had. 'He's really nice, actually. We're going out again next week and we're going to the ball together. I think this could become a proper thing.'

Mary turned around to face her in shock. 'You're kidding!' She said. 'After pining after James for so long?'

Lily shrugged. 'Yeah, well I haven't gotten over him, per se, but I think I could eventually if I date Jason.'

Mary sighed. 'Fine, I guess I owe Marlene 5 galleons then.'

Lily raised her eyebrows at the bet, but said nothing. 'So, are you and Remus getting together yet?' She asked. It was always her getting questioned about her love life, maybe it was time Mary got some of the heat.

'Well, we're going to the ball together because you forced us to, but other than that, my love life is practically non-existent. We just hang out as friends.'

'Aww, but would you like it to become anything more?'

'Well, I dunno. I like him, but he's a bit... I dunno. It's complicated.' Mary sighed in exasperation and threw her wand on the floor. 'It's hopeless! They've done this hair enchantment so you can never change it!'

'Well, it's okay. We can just wear something on top of it.' Lily said, grabbing a towel and tying it round her head.

Mary stared at her. 'Lily, you look more ridiculous with that on than you do with green hair.' She said.

'Well, you think of an idea then!'

'We can...' Mary trailed off. There was nothing they could do. 'We could just walk out like this.'

Lily threw herself onto the bed. 'Yeah.' She said. 'Looks like we have no choice.'


	11. First Kiss

Two weeks later, Lily sat at quidditch practice with Jason. They were watching the Gryffindor team, and Lily had to admit, the chances of them winning the next game seemed a lot greater than a month ago. She grinned at the sight of James yelling at Sirius about how he was not allowed to beat up the Slytherins with his bat, even if they 'looked like they really deserved it'.

'...and did you argue any more I'll hex you!' James was saying angrily.

Sirius put on an expression of mock hurt. 'Prongs? I'm your best friend!'

'I don't care. If you carry on acting like this, I'll kick of off the sodding team!'

Sirisu grumbled, but reluctantly flew off to where he was supposed to be.

'Now. We need to improve our chasing skills. Come on! We can do this if we just work hard! Marlene, Jack, we're gonna work on chasing. Sally, try to find the snitch within 6 minutes. Let's go!' James said, with uncharacteristic authority.

Jason laughed. 'It's funny.' He said. 'I've only watched Hufflepuff train before, and they don't take quidditch nearly as seriously as Gryffindor. I never really realised how big of a thing it was. But then again, that's probably why we always lose the quidditch cup.'

'Yeah, well, James is really serious about it and forces the rest of the team to be as well.' Lily said.

They sat in silence, watching the practice. The Christmas ball only in 3 days, and for once, Lily was actually looking forward to it. She didn't have to worry about james asking her out and embarrassing her, as she'd feared in earlier years, but she also had a secure date and wasn't just pining after James.

There was a sudden cheer from everyone who was watching the practice. Sally had caught the snitch.

'Brilliant, Sally! Caught in 5 minutes 49 seconds!' James said happily, kissing her on the forehead. 'Play like that in the game, and we'll win easily!'

Lily had seen Sally and James kiss before, but she still felt a small stab of jealousy when it happened. She quickly pushed those feelings aside, but they were there and she knew it. To distract herself, she snuggled up to Jason. It was winter, so she often cuddled against him for warmth. He found it cute, so it worked for the both of them.

'Hey, come with me.' She said, grabbing Jason's hand and pulling him behind the stands.

'Uh- what's-' he couldn't finish his sentence because Lily had wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Clearly shocked, Jason struggled for a second, before kissing her back. This was their first kiss, and Lily was pretty sure it was Jason's first kiss ever.

A rush of thoughts went through Lily's mind. Why was she doing this? Because of James and Sally? Did she even want to do it? Was Jason enjoying it? Was this really what she was going to be like? Kissing guys because she was jealous of James and Sally?

Jason broke free, gasping. He was slightly pink from the excitement, and Lily smiled at his innocence.

'Well, that was nice.' He said.

'Yeah,' she said. 'Look, I'd better go now, I promised Mary that I'd help her with her herbology homework. Bye!'

'Bye, I guess.'

Lily walked away, smiling. He was so sweet. Shame that he wasn't James... _no!_ She wouldn't think about that. He was taken. She had Jason, and he was great. She was happy. Right?

.o.O.o.

Lily was walking down the 3rd floor halls, humming to herself. She had a transfiguration test to be studying for, but she was feeling to cooped up in her room so she was going to the library instead.

She turned left when she reached the right corridor, but she thought she could hear shouts from the right. Turning around sharply, she ran in that direction, and stopping abruptly when she saw what was gong on.

James and Snape were dueling, flashing lights streaking across the hallway. There was a crowd of onlookers, most of whom were under the age of 15.

' _Petrificus totalus!_ ' A jet of yellow light hit James square in the chest. He went as stiff as a board and keeled over, landing flat on his face.

There was a roar as Sirius jumped to his feet, grabbing his wand. Lily tried to jump at him to knock him down, but he just moved out of the way and Snape was dangling in mid-air by his ankle.

'STOP!' Lily cried, but nobody paid any attention. Both James and Snape had already escaped their hexes and were dueling again.

'JAMES POTTER! SEVERUS SNAPE! STOP IT NOW!' She screamed again, but Snape merely spared her a glance before continuing to focus on James. James didn't even bother to do that, blanking her completely.

Lily turned to Jason, who was watching.

'STOP THEM!' She screamed at him, but he only shrugged.

' _Sectumsempra!'_ Snape cried, a jet of red light escaping his wand.

The light seemed to move in slow motion as Lily screamed, watching the light move across the room. James ducked as it flew over his head, instead hitting a girl who Lily recognised as a 3rd year Gryffindor squarely in the chest. Everyone turned to face her as she stumbled backwards, falling to the floor.

Almost immediately, wounds appeared on her body, blood pouring out and flooding the ground near her. Lily rushed to her side, frantically trying out healing spells which she'd seen work before, albeit on much smaller wounds. None of them worked.

'WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? SOMEONE GET HELP!' someone screamed, and Lily saw the outline of a person run off to get a teacher.

The girl's eyelids fluttered gently as her breathing grew shallower and shallower. She appeared unable to talk or even open her eyes, so Lily cradled her head, trying to talk to her. Snape stood behind Lily, muttering incantations, but none of them worked either. Lily turned to face him desperately.

'This curse doesn't kill, does it?' She asked, her voice constricted. She hoped beyond words that he'd shake his head, even though she knew he wouldn't. Sure enough, with more sadness in his eyes than she had ever seen, Snape nodded. More people crowded around her as the girl's life faded before their eyes. She felt hands on her shoulders, but she didn't know who they belonged to, or care. All she could do was watch as the girl's breathing grew shallower and shallower until it eventually stopped.

Everything seemed to stop for what could have been a second or an hour, but it felt like days that Lily sat there, unable to believe it was true.

'Come on, Lily.' Lily recognised the voice as Dumbledore's, but she shook her head.

'No.' She said croakily. 'No, she's not dead.'

'She's gone, Lily. Let go of her.'

'Mr Potter and Mr Snape, come with me and Professor Dumbledore. Everyone else, back to their dormitories. Now.' That was McGonagall's voice. When had _she_ got here?

Reluctantly, Lily got up and left the girl's body. She looked so small there, lying on the floor, the floor around her covered in blood. Her shirt and skirt had splotches of blood on them where the wounds were, and her face was completely white. Tears slowly trickled down Lily's cheeks. She hadn't known this girl, but still, the loss of a human life right in front of her eyes, taken by her former best friend, was horrifying enough to make her want to just crawl into bed and stay there forever.

'Miss Evans, do you need to go to the hospital wing? Madam Pomfrey can give you something for the shock.' McGonagall asked kindly, her voice softer than Lily had ever heard it. She could see Snape and James looking at her from next to Dumbledore.

Lily shook her head and stood up, looking at her shoes. Her robes were covered in blood. But somehow, she couldn't bring herself to care.

'I'll just go back to my dormitory.' She said, and hurried out before McGonagall could stop her.

.o.O.o.

James walked into Lily's room, where she was sitting on her bed, staring into space.

'Lily, I'm so-'

'You are such an IDIOT!' She shouted, snapping out of her daze and standing up.

'Lily-'

'You're head boy! You're supposed to be responsible! You're not supposed to fight with Snape! And look how it ended up!'

'I'm so-'

'I don't want to hear it! I can't believe you! How did this even happen?'

'He was calling people the m word!'

'You got someone killed because of _that?_ ' Lily shrieked. She hadn't known her voice could go so high.

James's eyes darkened. 'I didn't get her killed.' He said. 'Snape-'

'It's not all him! He cast the spell, but you shouldn't have got in a fight in the first place! Do you realise that if you had just not got so angry, the little girl would still be alive? It's partly your fault!'

James said nothing, and Lily realised she had gone too far.

'Look, I'm sor-'

'No, you're right. It's my fault. I'm just going to go now.'

'No-' she started, but he had already left.

She ran out, looking for him, but she couldn't see him. She ran down the stairs into the deserted common room, and went through the portrait hall.

'Potter!' She said, getting up. A tall black haired boy stood in front of her, but it wasn't James. It was the complete opposite.

'You were looking for Potter?' Snape asked icily.

'Snape.' Her voice has taken on a much colder tone than when she had spoken with James, which she knew hurt Snape more.

'Lily, please. I don't want you to hate me.'

'Not hate you? You killed an innocent girl.'

'It was an accident, it wasn't supposed to hit her!'

'And what if it hadn't?' Lily said, her voice rising dangerously. 'It would've hit James, wouldn't it? And what then? You didn't know a counter curse, would you have let him die? You're wiling to do that?'

Snape flinched at James's name, but for once, he didn't comment on it.

'I can't defend myself, Lily. But if you would just let me explain-'

'No. I'm done with you. Forever.'

'Please, we were best friends once. Remember?' Snaps pleaded.

'Remember? Yes, I remember that. You looking positively embarrassed every time you were with me, you called me a mudblood, you hated all my friends, you were friends with people who liked to torture mine, you hated my blood, you hated my house, and it was generally a toxic friendship. What's your point?'

Snape's mouth moved soundlessly as he tried to form a response. Glaring at him, Lily slowly turned around and went back in the portrait hall. There was no point in looking for James, he'd probably be on the other side of the castle by now.

Returning to her room, Lily threw herself on the bed. In one afternoon, she had seen a girl die in front of her, and she had blamed two boys for it. She knew she had to apologise to James, but she was also angry with him, as well as too stubborn. Ugh, her pride could be such a problem sometimes. She'd think about it tomorrow. She couldn't be bothered now.


	12. Amormentia

The next morning, Lily walked into potions class feeling dejected. Today was the potions test and she really hadn't studied enough.

'Welcome class!' Professor Slughorn boomed, walking up to the front of the classroom. 'As you all know, today is the day of your exam. And I'll be putting you all to work in pairs. Miss McKinnon and Mr Black, Mr Lupin and Mr Pettigrew...'

Lily stood at the back, bored. What would she give to be in her bedroom sleeping...

'...Miss Evans and Mr Potter. Take your places!'

Lily gaped at him. James was already at the desk at the front, facing away from her. She looked at Mary pleadingly, but Mary just shrugged helplessly. Lily sighed and walked over to next to James. She looked at him but he stared forward, ignoring her.

'So today we will be brewing amormentia. Does anyone know what that does? Yes Mr Snape?'

'Amormentia is the most powerful known love potion in the world.' Snape said. 'It does not create real love, but it can create a feeling of infatuation and longing, and the consumer will have a strong feeling of lust towards the person who gave it to them.'

'Excellent, Snape. 5 points to Slytherin. Now, as this is a test, you are not allowed your textbooks. You are allowed to talk to your partners, but please do not talk too loudly as people near you will be able to hear. All possible ingredients are in front of you. You may begin.'

'I think we need ashwinder eggs to begin with.' Lily said awkwardly. James just nodded and continued to do nothing.

They conversed little, Lily only occasionally asking for help, which he never did.

'You don't add toads droppings! You add pearl dust!' Lily hissed, grabbing James's wrist as he made his first actual contribution to their potion.

'I'm sorry, clearly I make lots of terrible mistakes, so this isn't so bad. After all, it's just like me to create highly dangerous situations that results in deaths.' James said icily.

Lily turned to face him angrily. 'Potter, I tried hard to apologise-'

'Yeah. Doesn't mean it's not true though, does it?'

'Look, I was just angry-'

'As you should be. After all, I'm a murderer.'

'I never said that! I never blamed you!'

James went silent and didn't answer. Lily sighed and shook her head.

'We should be able to smell something by now. It's light pink and bubbling at the surface, which is supposed to be correct according to my potions book.'

'Yeah well, I can't. You must've brewed it wrong.' James said, leaning back in his chair looking smug.

'Oh, I brewed it wrong? What about you, just sitting in your chair and only once adding the wrong thing? Do you even care that I spent ages revising for this test? Or to you, is the most important thing just self pitying?'

James looked at her like she was a toddler having a tantrum. 'Evans, if you can't smell anything, it's wrong. Take it with grace.'

'What do you mean, _take it with grace?'_ Her voice was rising dangerously. 'You've done nothing in this test! This was literally all me! And I didn't get annoyed with you because I was trying to apologise to you! What they should do it double my mark, because I had absolutely no help! I would prefer not having a partner! And I think there is a smell, as a matter of fact! I can smell a rosy smell and the smell of new books, maybe I'd be able to smell more if your stupid cologne wasn't clogging up the whole room!'

James stood up at this point as well. 'Well, maybe you're right. Maybe there is some smell. But I can't smell it, probably because your shouting is clouding my senses to the point that I can't smell anything.'

'No! You can never admit to any fault! Ever! I think my potion is right, and I call it _my_ potion because you haven't helped _at all_ , and now you call my potion wrong when the only thing wrong is that your smell is preventing me from smelling the actual damn potion!'

'Well, maybe it's your perfume. That's all I can smell at this point. You're just taking over the whole room in every sense, aren't you?'

Remus suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable with the situation, at which point Lily realised that they were both shouting.

'Hey mate?' Peter said from behind them, and leaned over to whisper something to them both. Lily and James both leaned in.

' _Prongs isn't wearing any cologne and Lily isn't wearing any perfume.'_ He said quietly, although, Lily realised, this information wasn't exactly a secret, considering half the class was giggling at this point. Panicked, she looked round the classroom. To see all the students. Snape's expression was unlike any she had ever seen on his face, a mixture of sadness, anger, regret and jealousy. She furiously pushed his face out of her mind as she and James both looked at Sally, who was standing at the back of the classroom. She locked eyes with both of them for a second before grabbing her bag and storming out.

Slughorn cleared his throat awkwardly. 'Um- back to work, everyone...'

Lily grabbed her bag and ran out of the door after Sally.

'Sally!' She shouted breathlessly as she turned a corner.

Sally turned around, her expression stony.

'I don't want to talk to you.' She said shortly, turning away.

'Sally, wait up!'

'Why didn't you tell me?' She snapped, facing Lily again. 'I literally asked. I asked if you were going to be okay with it, and you said yes. And now you went and embarrassed me in front of the entire class and I don't doubt everyone in the school will find out, either! And they'll all be _happy_ about it too. I'm the home wrecker in this situation, don't you see?'

'You're not-'

'Oh, I'm not?' Sally said incredulously, her mirthless laughter sounding like a shriek. 'Let me explain something to you, Lily! I'm the home wrecker because _everyone_ wants you two to be together. I can hear the gossip already! 'Finally Sally's out of the way, they can finally be together! Gimme my 10 galleons!' And don't deny it, _Lily_ , you know it'll happen.'

Lily blinked at her, lost for words. The irony of her having almost the exact same attitude towards Snape and James the night before hadn't been lost on her, but she couldn't bring herself to find it funny. She choked back tears. 'I'm sorry.' She said tearfully.

Sally shook her head, smiling mirthlessly again, and walked away wordlessly. Lily watched her leave then walked away herself in the opposite direction.

.o.O.o.

There was a knock on the door. Lily was curled up in bed, and she really didn't want to see anyone. They'd only laugh at her or be angry with her.

'Who is it?' She asked weakly.

'Jason. Can I come in?'

Lily groaned inwardly. He was the last person she wanted to see, but she couldn't very well refuse to let him come in after being so cruel to him.

'Come in.' She said reluctantly, sitting up.

He cam in and laid his bag carefully on the floor, careful not to move any of her things.

He sat down on the bed. 'So, I heard what happened today.' He said.

Lily groaned. 'Look, Jason, I'm so sorry-'

'It's okay.'

Lily looked up at him, shocked. He didn't even sound angry. 'It- it's okay? You're not angry?'

'Oh, I'm not happy. But it's not your fault what you smell in amormentia, is it? So I guess I just wanted to let you know that I'm not mad at you.'

Lily felt tears well up in her eyes again. 'It wasn't you.' She said hoarsely. 'You're a great guy. In fact, you're probably better for me than James ever was or ever will be. It's just-'

'-I'm not him.' Jason finished for her, nodding.

Lily nodded tearfully. 'I'm so sorry.'

Jason nodded and stood up. 'Oh, one last question.' He said as he reached the door. 'Why did you ask me out in the first place? Was it just to prove a point to yourself? Or to Potter? Or was it a dare? What?'

Lily wiped away her tears. 'It was kind of- do you want me to be honest with you, Jason?'

His look of hopelessness was replaced with a look of disappointment, which only made Lily feel worse. 'What do you think?' He asked.

'Um- I pretended to have a crush on you to cover up my doodles of his initials- so I had to ask you out to keep my cover. I'm so sorry!' She repeated, seeing his face.

'So did you ever have any feelings for me, or was it all a lie?'

'I did! I fell for you! I'm so sorry though, it's not your-'

'-not my fault. Got it. Well, I don't think we should see each other any more.' He looked at her as if challenging her to argue, and when she didn't, he walked out the door and closed it behind him without looking back.

Lily collapsed back onto her bed, covering her face with her hands. This was the worst week ever. Sally would never forgive her, and neither would Jason. And the whole school would hear of her most embarrassing moment. In fact, most of them probably already knew. She'd have to make it up to Sally in some way, but preferably never see James ever again. She couldn't face him after this. Even Mary and Marlene would probably pick Sally over her. She'd have no friends left in Hogwarts. She'd have to switch schools. She'd have to flee the country. Go anywhere that these people were not. She got up looked out of her window, enchanted so she could look outside but nobody could look inside. She could see Mary and Marlene sitting by the lake, surrounded by a crowd of other students, no doubt interrogating them about everything they knew.

The truth was, Lily had never seen Sally as upset as she had been today. She had no idea how she would exact her revenge, but she could tell Sally wouldn't forget the humiliation for a long time.

 **A/N- sorry this chapter's so bad, I've been really busy lately and didn't have time to make it as good as I'd have liked. Will try to make the next one better!**


	13. Avery's Betrayal

The next morning, Lily went downstairs to breakfast as if the previous day had never happened. She knew it would be humiliating and people would be judging her, but they'd judge her more if she never came down, plus she had to repair her broken friendship with Sally _somehow._ James didn't matter anymore.

'Hey.' She said cheerfully, sitting down next to Marlene.

The entire table stared at her.

Lily looked around at everyone. Sirius, Remus and Marlene were all there, but Peter and Mary weren't, presumably with the other missing friends.

'What?' She asked. 'I'm not allowed to be happy now? Life goes on, no matter what happened yesterday.'

Sirius raised an eyebrow and whispered something to Remus, who just nodded.

'Morning.' came a voice from behind Lily's head. Lily turned around, smiling, only for it to vanish from her face when she looked into the face of Sally.

'Morning.' She said awkwardly before turning back to her plate and staring determinedly at her sausages. She could feel the eyes of everyone in the great hall on her back, but she didn't dare say anything. A million sentences went through her brain ' _I'm sorry, Sally', 'We should talk somewhere else', 'How are you?',_ but she couldn't bring herself to say any of them. Taking a copy of _The Daily Prophet_ from the other side of the table, Sally sat on Lily's left side.

'I want you to know,' she said once everyone else had started talking again, 'that I only sat on this stupid table because I had to. If I had my way, I'd be sitting with my best friend right now.'

'Who's that?' Lily asked, staring straight ahead. She expected the answer to be something like Severus just to spite her, but apparently even Sally wasn't able to get over her disgust for him to get revenge.

'Alexander Avery.' She said simply.

Lily nearly spat out her pumpkin juice. ' _Avery?'_ She asked incredulously, looking at Sally in the eye for the first time. 'He's horrible! Do you remember what he did to Mary back in fifth year?'

'Oh, I remember.' Sally replied, reaching for a croissant. 'But at least I don't think he'd ever betray me like everyone on this table did. You all knew, and nobody told me.' She stood up with her croissant and walked away, pushing her way past a crowd of sixth years talking about their apparition class that day, leaving Lily staring helplessly after her.

.o.O.o.

The rest of the day passed fairly eventlessly, the only major surprise being when James turned up to charms class and, in his frustration, caused his white feather which he was supposed to be turning twice its size to explode, burning half of Sirius's hair off. Now Lily was just sitting in the library, trying to write a 20 inch essay on the goblin wars which Professor Binns had set them.

'...come on, Prongs, it'll be fun!'

Lily looked up from her parchment in panic as she heard Sirius and James's voices approaching. For fear of being spotted, she dived behind the potions section, as she knew neither boys took potions.

'No, I don't feel like it.' James was saying as Lily saw their shadows passing.

'Mate, this is the first time in your entire life that you haven't wanted to prank the Slytherins. Is this because of potions yesterday?'

'No, it's because...'

Lily crept along the length of the bookcase trying to listen, but they were now too far away for her to hear their conversation. She sat down, hopeless.

'Already eavesdropping on your new boyfriend's conversations?' Came Sally's voice from above.

Lily stood up, brushing herself down. 'What do you want?' She asked.

Sally sighed. 'We should talk. Follow me, I don't want anyone to hear us.'

Lily stared at her. This morning, she'd made special effort to make Lily know they weren't friends anymore. Now she was telling saying they needed to talk?

Lily cautiously packed up her books and followed Sally out of the library. She had no idea what was going on yet, but she didn't feel exactly safe.

'Here.' Sally whispered when they reached a small stone room. They had walked down a series of winding secret passageways to the room, and Lily just about recognised it from when she had been patrolling with James at the start of the year and they had had to come here to give a third year a detention.

'What did you want to talk about?' Lily asked, shaking. She hoped they wouldn't get into a huge argument down here. She could only see two ways out of the room, back up the passageway which Sally was blocking and down further underground.

Sally put her hand in her pocket and drew out a quill, which she started fiddling with. 'Listen, Lily- I just wanted to talk. You know, about what happened yesterday, and i just wanted to ask you why you never told me.' She walked past Lily so Lily turned around to face further down the tunnel, which only made her feel even more uneasy.

'I didn't want to hurt you.' Lily said quietly, growing more and more apprehensive.

'But why?' Sally's voice was getting desperate now, and Lily started to genuinely believe Sally wanted to know the answer to this question. No matter how angry she was, Lily could tell Sally wasn't faking her desperation.

'Well, I thought you'd hate me and tell me I was being stupid if you knew that I liked him. I mean, everyone else told me I was being silly, considering he'd been pining after me or 6 six years and I chose the one year he wasn't asking me out to start falling for him.'

Sally nodded and her eyes fixed on something behind Lily's head.

'Sally, what-' Lily said, turning around, before screaming.

It was Avery, the boy Sally had said was her new best friend, with his haughty good looks and his neat brown hair brushed carefully to the left. He wore his Slytherin robes, the silver glinting in the darkness.

'Sally?' Lily asked, her voice trembling. 'Did you do this?'

'You betrayed me, Lily.' Sally's voice was suddenly colder than Lily had ever heard it.

'So what?' Lily's head whipped around to stare at Sally disbelievingly. 'You're going to have him kill me because of a boy? Who even are you?'

Sally smiled. 'He's not going to kill you, Lily. he won't harm you, he's just here to teach you a lesson.'

'Oh, I beg to differ.' Avery said softly, stepping forwards. 'You see, Lily, I've been dying for this opportunity for a long time. So have the Dark Lord and his followers, to come into this castle. Sally helped a great cause.'

'W-what?' Sally sounded shocked, but Lily didn't believe her anymore.

'Oh, Sally. Did you really believe I was just going to 'teach her lesson'? Oh, she'll learn her lesson, to be sure, but she won't live to be able to use what she learns. And neither will you.'

Sally gripped Lily's wrist as four more death eaters stepped into sight.

'Don't worry, girls. They're just here to keep you in here while the rest of them go into the great hall during dinner. Nobody will even notice you're gone. They'll think you're just working out your troubles. After all, Sally, isn't that what you told Mary and Marlene?'

Lily heard Sally's breath hitch as she realised they were trapped.

'Until we get orders from my master, we can't kill you, so I think we'll have our way with you two girls with you instead.' Avery drew out his wand, and Sally immediately broke into a run down the passageway, dragging Lily along with her. Lily could hear the yells of the death eaters back in the room, the lights of their spells lighting up the whole tunnel.


	14. The First Escape

'Come this way!' Sally suddenly twisted and sped down a different passageway to the left, dragging Lily with her. They could both still hear the death eaters running after them, shouting.

'Slow- down!' Lily gasped. Her sides were aching. She'd never been fit, there was a reason she'd never tried out for the quidditch team.

Sally said nothing, still running into various different tunnels. It was getting darker, and the girls could only see where they were going because of the dim lights from the wands of the death eaters. Their voices were getting quieter now, but Lily still didn't feel safe. All they needed to do was cast a spell if they got near them and they'd know the girls were around.

Sally stopped abruptly just before another stone wall. It was a dead end. Both girls looked around in horror for another tunnel to escape from, but there were none.

' _Murum invelium,'_ Lily said, pointing her wand at the ground in front in the front of them. Slowly, a wall emerged from the ground, trapping them in a tiny stone cell.

'What are you _doing_?' Sally hissed. 'Now if they come we won't even know!'

'They won't come down this tunnel because they'll think the passage ends here.' Lily hissed back.

Even know Lily couldn't see her, she could feel Sally sink to the floor and start shaking, her body wracking with sobs. Lily rolled her eyes.

' _Lumos._ Oh, what now?' She snapped. 'Annoyed that after planning to do what to me- I don't even know, kill me?- you're just gonna start blubbering about your ' _new best friend'_ betraying you? Just get over it, Sally. You tried to get me killed and it backfired. As far as I'm concerned, you deserved exactly what happened tonight.'

'I wasn't trying to get you killed!' Sally protested. I was just- I just wanted to get revenge. NOT kill you, but just teach you a lesson a little bit.'

' _Teach me a lesson a little bit?'_ Lily asked in outrage. 'What is _teaching me a lesson?_ The cruciatus curse? Humiliating me in front of the entire school by using dark magic on me? _I'd rather take my chances with Avery than be stuck here with you!'_

'No- no!' Sally struggled to her feet. 'Just- well maybe a bit of the dark magic-'

Lily slapped Sally across the face. Sally stared at her, shocked, before lurching into a rant of her own.

'Well, I can't believe you betrayed me like that. Okay, maybe I went a bit too far with the revenge-'

'A bit!' Lily scoffed.

'-but I had perfect right to get annoyed. You humiliated me! I just wanted to humiliate you back. I know it wasn't right and I shouldn't have, but I was just annoyed. It's normal! So I used my quill that had been enchanted with the Protean charm to call Al- Avery down here when I was ready.'

'Ready to see me get tortured.' Lily said bitterly. 'Was this all part of your grand plan as well? They're gonna burst in here and torture me where there's no tunnel out?'

As if on cue- or maybe they were on cue- the walls suddenly shook. Lily had been so angry she hadn't even realised she'd been shouting. The wall in front of them suddenly broke apart like glass and two death eaters, shabby and panting after running for so long, faced them.

'Having a chat, are we?' Asked the long-faced one with the grey hair. Lily's mind raced. How could she get out- You couldn't apparate in Hogwarts-

' _Crucio! Crucio!'_ The grey haired death eater cried, and both Lily and Sally fell to the floor, screaming. Lily felt like knives were digging into every inch of her skin, and her mind couldn't focus on anything except the pain. _Apparate- help-_

Suddenly, the pain stopped. Both girls lay on the floor, gasping and crying.

'Feeling okay?' The bald one asked this time. They both laughed as Lily got to her feet again.

Lily had a faint memory of the morning when Sallly had been walking away from her. She'd been _pushing past a crowd of apparition students-_ they could apparate to the Great Hall- the tunnels were so far underground they probably weren't even within the Hogwarts boundaries-

Lily grabbed Sally's hand. She knew that although she was angry at Sally, she couldn't just leave her here to get tortured and killed. The cruciatus curse being used on her definitely hadn't been part of Sally's plan.

'Ready for another dose?' The bald death eater raised his wand, and Lily suddenly twisted, trying her best to channel all her energy into apparanting into the Great Hall. She hadn't passed her test the first time, so she wasn't good, but now was the time for desperate measures. _Destination, Determination, Deliberation..._

Lily felt Sally screaming as she was forced along in the apparation. Within moments, however, they appeared in the Great Hall, shook but unhurt, in a scene they hadn't expected to see in a million years.

The Great Hall was in absolute chaos _._ Students were running around screaming, and Lily could see death eaters firing spells. She even thought she saw Voldemort at one point, but she let go of Sally's hand without looking back and dashed through the crowds to the doors.

'Potter!' She screamed as she saw him dueling a death eater. From the looks of things, he was getting worn down, as he was very red in the face and didn't look like he could hold off the spells for much longer.

' _Reducto!_ ' The death eater was blown off his feet by Lily's spell, and she grabbed James arm to run away.

'Where are you _going?_ I wanna fight!' James tugged his arm out of Lily's grip and ran towards Sirius, Lily chasing him like a madwoman. Unfortunately for James, Sirius was on the other side of the hall, and between the two of them was a tall, white man with slits for nostrils and glowing red eyes. There seemed to be a protective bubble around him, as all spells that were fired at him simply backfired. Time seemed to slow down and noises became quieter as Lord Voldemort slowly turned around to face Lily and James, their eyes fixed on him in terror.

'So, the girl and boy whose little drama brought me inside this castle.' He hissed, and Lily physically shuddered at his voice. 'I should thank you, really. You two made life for me so much easier.'

Lily and James said nothing, slowly backing away. Lily had no doubt that if she said one wrong word, she would be dead.

'You've gained my respect, you two. And despite you being a mudblood and a blood traitor-' Voldemort's eyes seemed to glow brighter as he said those words. '-I would accept you within my ranks. Join me and the world will be yours.'

James shuddered and Lily grabbed his hand to stop him running forwards. 'Never.' He spat.

Voldemort laughed. 'Never?' He asked. 'Mudblood, if you joined me, your family would be safe forever. Your muggle parents and sister who you despise so much- though you still worry for them- they would always be safe. And blood traitor- your auror parents would be saved. Can you resist it? If you refuse, your relatives will die. They will be tortured and die painfully, as so many are in this room right now. Join me.'

Like all good threats, the words rang true in Lily's mind. She knew there was a possibility him killing her family, but she couldn't join Voldemort. She knew it was a lie. Voldemort felt no loyalty to his followers. He would kill her and her family as soon as he grew sick of them.

'Mistake.' James said bravely, although Lily could feel his hand shaking. 'You _never_ threaten my family.' He drew out his wand to try to curse Voldemort, but before it was even aimed at him, James was already on the floor being tortured. Lily screamed for a second then felt herself be flung across the room, hitting the stone wall and crumbling to the floor. The last thing she saw before blacking out was Dumbledore's face as he turned to look at her, as if in slow motion, and engaging Voldemort in a duel himself.

 **A/N- And thus was the first time the (future) Potters escaped Voldemort :).**


	15. Caught

'Do you reckon she'll ever wake up?'

'Of course she will, you prat, don't be so morbid. Maybe we should make some noise, that'll wake her up.'

'How-'

'Shut up! She's sleeping!'

'What-'

Lily opened her eyes groggily to look into the faces of Sirius and Mary. Sirius's face was right up close to hers, and she screamed in terror.

'Hey, hey! Calm down there!' Madam Pomfrey bustled into the infirmary, looking more tired than Lily had ever seen her. 'Oh good, Miss Evans, you're up. Mr Black, Miss Macdonald, I think you'd better leave-'

'No, no, can they stay a while? Please?' Lily sat up slowly, shaking her head before realising that only made her more dizzy.

Madam Pomfrey sighed and nodded, muttering to herself as she went along to the other patients. Lily smiled and looked at Sirius and Mary. They stared at her.

'Why'd you scream when you saw me?' Sirius demanded.

'Sorry, what I think he meant was, sorry, did we wake you?' Mary said.

Lily laughed. 'Sorry- I'm not really used to seeing you when I get up. What happened?'

'Don't you remember? You know, You-Know-Who came in, you did something, went flying, I'm not really sure. But I know you and Sally disappeared underground, and that's when You-Know-Who came.' Mary looked at her with concern.

'Yeah- yeah no, I remember.' Lily felt a wave of dread come over her. 'Where is Sally?'

'She's with Marlene. Remus and Peter are with James. He woke up a few days ago.' Sirius added, seeing Lily's look of confusion.

'A few days ago? How long was I out?'

Sirius and Mary looked at each other.

'Uh- about a week.' Sirius said.

'What- where's Sally again? I need to talk to her. Oh- are you two okay as well? Did you get hurt in the battle?'

'Yeah, I welded a few heroic scars, but alas, Poppy had to get rid of them-'

'What Sirius means is, he got cursed a few times, and Madam Pomfrey healed him. And I'm okay too, except for this.' She lifted up her shirt and showed Lily a black bruise about the size of a grapefruit.

'Ouch! Who did that?'

'That would be You-Know-Who himself, just after you went flying, and I started battling him instead.'

Lily went silent. So it hadn't just been her who had been hurt. She hadn't been targeted, but all she could think of was Sally, leading her through the dark tunnels through to Avery so that she could be "taught a lesson".

'What's wrong?' Mary's voice was soft, but Lily suspected she already knew, at least to some extent, what had happened.

Before Lily could respond, Madam Pomfrey walked over, angrily brandishing her wand and insisting Lily drink some medicine.

.o.O.o.

The next few days were certainly depressing, seeing as several students had died in the battle, even though Lily had been unconscious during their funerals. Classes went on as usual, but the battle hung over them like a shroud, reminding them wherever they went that death eaters had managed to infiltrate the school and if Dumbledore hadn't driven Voldemort away, most of the students would likely be dead. She and James mostly ignored each other, but that couldn't last long, since they had patrol tonight and there was no getting out of that. Dumbledore had seemed eager to keep the school running as usual, but the fact that Lily and James had been offered ranks in Voldemort's circle had spread through the school like wildfire, and there were whispers in the corridor wherever they walked.

'You ready?' James asked once he found Lily waiting outside his room.

She looked at him sardonically. 'No, Potter, I've just been waiting outside your room for no reason.'

'Okay, okay, let's get going then.'

They walked without talking for a few minutes, although there wasn't a particularly tense atmosphere. He wasn't portraying any open animosity, although to be fair, his face didn't give away much of what he was thinking.

'You know, if you don't want to keep doing these patrols, we can just use my map to keep an eye out.' He said in the silence.

'Your map?' She asked.

'Yeah, here, I'll show you.'

They ducked behind a curtain and James drew out a blank piece of parchment from his pocket.

'Uh- Potter- if this is one of your pranks-'

'Trust me, it's not. Have some faith in me, won't you?' James tapped the parchment as muttered something under his breath, but Lily couldn't hear what it was.

Slowly, ink spread from the tip of his wand like a spiderweb, and Lily gazed in awe at the parchment until the lines formed a picture of the castle, with the names of everyone inside.

'Wow.' She breathed. 'Did you make this?'

'Yeah. The four of us did, anyway.'

'Honestly. If you all used your talents in class-'

'Yeah, we know. Anyway, what do you think? Should we use this instead of physically walking around the school every night?'

She looked up at him. They were pretty cramped behind the curtain, so her head was just under his chin and when she looked up, she could see his messy black hair and glasses, his eyes fixed on hers. She looked down.

'Uh- I don't know. Feels like breaking the rules-'

'Oh, for Merlin's sake, Evans, don't do this to me. We can keep a better eye with this map because we can see the entire school, not just the bits we're walking in.'

Lily sighed. It would help. The awkward silences while they were walking, the late nights… it would all be solved by this. But they would have to sit alone together, which was hardly any better.

'Okay.' She said. 'But you have to promise me that you won't just fall asleep while watching it.'

He laughed. 'I promise.'

They struggled to get out from under the curtain, but they managed. When they got out, Lily turned to him with a serious expression.

'Did Sally tell you about where we were when Voldemort came?' She asked quietly.

He laughed dryly. 'Sally and I are hardly on speaking terms.' He said humourlessly.

'Well- yeah. She basically tricked me into going into some tunnels with her and was going to get Avery to torture me.'

'She _what_?'

'Yeah.'

'Why?'

'Uh- I think you know.'

He laughed again. 'Yeah, I guess I do.' He said.

They walked back in silence to the common room, not wanting to talk about that dreaded potions class.

'So when did you wake up?' Lily asked, wanting to break the awkward silence again.

'A few days ago. But I guess you already knew that.'

'How d'you feel about Voldemort asking us to join him?'

'What an asshole.'

Lily let out a short burst of laughter but then stopped herself. 'Well, he was going to kill us. We're lucky to even be alive.'

'Yeah. I'd hate for you to have died.' James stepped in front of her, almost like he was protecting her.

'Me?' Lily whispered, her heart beating.

James nodded. They were standing right in front of the portrait hold, and Lily became increasingly aware of the way his breath smelled, like hazelnuts and pine cones.

'Are you okay?' James asked, seeing her breath hitch.

She nodded, and slowly tilted her head up to reach his lips. She wasn't really sure of what she was doing, but after nearly dying with him-

'What the hell?'

Lily's head whipped around and she saw Sally standing with her arms crossed in front of the portrait hole, staring angrily at them.

'Who are you to talk, Sally?' James said, stepping forward. 'You tried to get Lily tortured.'

'No- I didn't! I- You dated me despite having feelings for her, and now, as soon as you could, you just go off with her!'

'Sally, for Merlin's sake! Why were you out here anyway?'

'I was going to apologise to Lily for- well that's not important- but I come out here and I see this!'

'Sally, you _tried to get me tortured_.' Lily said, although she could hardly stop herself from crying. How had her relationship with one of her former best friends come to this point, where they could hardly look at each other without getting into an argument, and yelling at each other all the time?

Sally shook her head. 'No, you're right. I'm sorry. It's my fault. I took my anger too far. I'm sorry, I'll just go. Happy honeymooning.'

'Sally-' Lily started, but she had already crawled back through the portrait hole and shut the door.

Lily looked at James helplessly, but he wouldn't look at her. Wordlessly, he also went through the portrait hole, although he left the trapdoor open for her.

'Well, are you going through as well, or are you going to stay out here?' The Fat Lady asked irritably, evidently sick of hearing teenage drama every night before bed.


	16. The Day Before

It was tomorrow. The Christmas Ball. Since the holidays were starting only 2 days after the ball, people were rushing around packing their things, but Lily wasn't. No way was she willingly going to return to the house where Petunia would just bully here again. In fact, when she'd written to ask her if she could come home- using the muggle post so she wouldn't give her parents a heart attack with shock- Petunia had written back a very strongly worded letter on why she wasn't to come home under any circumstances lest she 'disturb' Vernon.

Although Lily didn't really want to go to the ball either, so she wasn't sure why she was staring into Mary's mirror trying out different shades of _Gerton Gleba's Magical Eyeshadow._

'Hey Lily, have you seen my red and white cloak anywhere? My mum will kill me if I've lost it, it cost about 30 galleons.' Mary was saying, throwing her things in her trunk. She was quickly packing whatever she could before going down for breakfast.

'No, sorry. Marlene might have, though.' She replied. The emerald green shade was looking good. It would really match her eyes and her green dress. She threw down her wand in exasperation. She didn't have anyone to go with anymore. She didn't even know why she'd bought that stupid dress from Hogsmead.

'This is stupid.' She announced. 'I have nobody to go with to the ball, so why and trying on these stupid eyeshadows? It's not like anybody's gonna ask me after all the drama with Potter.'

'Oh, don't say that. We both know there are loads of boys who would go out with you. They just need a bit of- well, let's call it reassurance- that James won't hex them for trying.'

'He wouldn't do that.' Lily grumbled. 'Like any boy would care enough about me to do that.'

'Oh really?' Mary smirked at her, still rummaging around for her cloak.

Lily threw _Advanced Care of Magical Creatures_ at her. 'How are things going with you and Remus anyway?' She asked. If there was one good thing going on in her life, it was hearing about Mary and Remus. They were just so awkward it was hilarious.

'Oh, fine. Although transfiguration does start in about 3 minutes, so we should both head down now, so you can stop teasing me.' She stuck her tongue out at Lily childishly. Lily rolled her eyes, smiling. It had been so long that they had had so little to worry about.

.o.O.o.

'Good morning class.' Professor McGonagall said as she walked briskly down the front of the classroom.

'Good morning Professor.' The class mumbled back. Lily sat at the back of the class, thankful that Sally didn't take transfiguration NEWT and James was right near the front with Peter, safely away from her.

'Today we will be looking at human transfigurations. Now I know that you all have never tried anything like this before, but-'

'Professor?' James interrupted, raising his hand.

'Yes, Mr Potter?'

'If I may, I'd like to correct you there. I know for a fact that many people in this class have tried human transfiguration before.' He smirked at Peter, who smiled nervously back.

'Really, Mr Potter? Would you like to demonstrate your efforts to the class?' McGonagall asked dryly, her lips pursed. Lily wondered how she'd managed to get through seven years of this nonsense, but, when she thought about it, everyone in their year had had to, so putting the Marauders in detention a few hundred- sorry, thousand- times couldn't have been that much worse than sitting in class with them everyday.

'Of course.' James stood up and gestured for Peter to do the same. The class waited, McGonagall taping her wand on her palm impatiently.

James aimed his wand at Peter, who had gone very red in the face. For about 20 seconds they just stood there, James pointing his wand at Peter and not moving.

'For Merlin's sake, Mr Potter, if you aren't going to do anything-'

There was a sudden bang, and where Peter had been standing, there was a teacup. The class collapsed in laughter while James returned to his seat, leaving the cup there.

'What are you doing, Mr Potter? Turn him back!'

'Sorry, but I haven't perfected the art of turning objects back into humans yet. He'll have to just stay there.' James said, smiling innocently. The teacup shook angrily.

McGonagall shook her head with a hint of an uncharacteristic smile on her lips, although she hid it well. She tapped the cup with her wand and Peter immediately appeared again, red as a tomato. Now that Lily thought about it, Peter's wide shoulders and small feet did look somewhat like a teacup.

'Well, now that that enlightening demonstration is over, please turn to page 402 of your textbooks.'

The boy next to Lily, Tom, sighed.

Lily turned to him in surprise. She'd never seen a Gryffindor except herself express anything but joy towards the Marauders when they messed around in class.

'What?' She asked.

'I've got NEWTs to pass.' He grumbled sourly as he flipped to the right page in his textbook.

Lily stared at him indignantly.

'We could all use a laugh every now and then. Haven't you got any sense of humour?'

Now it was Tom's turn to stare at her.

'Who the hell are you to talk? You wouldn't know humour if it hit you in the head with a brick.'

'Excuse me? I know humour!' Lily said shrilly. They were whispering, but she was becoming increasingly aware of how angry she sounded.

'Yeah, right. I can't remember the last time I saw you smile. Oh wait, that's because you never have.'

Lily gaped at him for a few seconds before turning back to her book. Did people really think she never smiled? Although, now that she thought about it, she couldn't remember either. All she had to do was distance herself from James and Sally more. It was them and their drama that stopped her from smiling. It wasn't"t her fault or anything.

.o.O.o.

Lily was walking out of charms, her last class of the term, and Flitwick had just set her a 13 inch essay on why the levitating charm was discovered so late.

'You know, there are some times when I wish I was a muggle.' Lily said to her friend Lauren, who was walking next to her.

Lauren was just about to reply when there was some shouting behind her. She turned around and saw a boy called Tom walking towards her quickly, his long legs striding past the other students. Lily was just about to turn away before he grabbed her arm.

'Lily, wait! I just want to ask you something.'

'What, Thomas? And don't tell me it's to insult me again.'

'No, it's not. Have you got any plans for tomorrow night?'

Lily crossed her arms. 'You know perfectly well that tomorrow is the Christmas ball and I have nobody to go with, Thomas. What's your point?'

'Well- I was actually wondering if you would go with me. You know, as my date.'

As a date? She did want to go to the ball... but what about James? They'd only kissed yesterday. But they weren't technically in a relationship, and he clearly wasn't getting ready to ask her out.

'Okay. Meet outside the Great Hall at 8?'

Tom smiled and walked away. In the corner of her eyes, Lily could feel Sirius and Remus staring at her, but she wouldn't make eye contact. If she did, she knew she'd feel guilty, and there was no need to. It wasn't like she and James were dating. He wouldn't even be offended. And it was just one party. It wouldn't be a complication to what could happen in the future, right? Right?

 **A/N: I'm sorry I haven't been uploading much, I've been really busy lately. Will try to upload more frequently from now on xx**


	17. Christmas Ball

'Aaaaaand done!'

Marlene threw down her wand and the makeup she had been applying on Lily at long last.

'Thank Merlin, can I rub my eyes now?'

'NO!' Marlene screamed before Lily had even had the chance to move her hand. She took a deep breath. 'Lily, if you dare mess up all the makeup that I spent two hours of my life doing, I will actually kill you. I have no date- you're my proxy for me to show off my makeup on!'

'Okay, Mum.' Lily grumbled. 'How long is it even until I have to go? Tom said to meet at 8.'

'You've got five minutes.' Marlene sighed. 'Are you trying to be fashionable late then? Trying not to seem too desperate?'

'You got it.'

Marlene laughed. 'So are you going home for christmas this year or not? You can come to my house again if you want.'

'Thanks, but my mum and dad will be annoyed if I deliberately avoid spending time with them. Plus, they want some more "quality time" between Petunia and I, which is never going to happen. I don't know if they actually believe their own words when they say that we love each other deep down, to be honest. They just want to delude themselves.'

'Fair enough.' Marlene looked at the clock again. 'You should probably get going now. You've got two minutes, and you don't want to be too late otherwise you'll come across as rude.'

'Ugh, fine. But promise me if I come up here crying at any point you'll make me some of your amazing hot chocolate, okay?'

Marlene laughed. 'Okay, I promise.'

.o.O.o.

Ten munutes later, Lily was still waiting at the top of the stairs nervously. People with their dates were rushing past her, excited for the dancing, but Lily stood still. She was all dressed up in her green dress and had her makeup on, but she still felt like she looked a mess. She'd barely slept due to nervousness. What if Tom didn't turn up? What if it was all a joke? What if everyone thought she was cheating on James, and he ended up hating her?

'Go down.' Marlene whispered in her ear. 'He'll be there. I didn't do all that hair and makeup for nothing, okay? Now go!'

Lily nodded slowly, clutching her elbows. She started walking slowly down the stairs, dreading every step that she took. She turned back to Marlene.

'What if he was just leading me on?' She hissed.

Marlene just shook her head in exasperation and motioned for Lily to keep moving.

She carried on, now more nervous than ever. Then she saw him waiting at the doors of the Great Hall, dressed in a black suit with his blond hair neatly brushed back. Her chest heaved in a great sigh of relief.

'You okay? You look terrified.' He said.

She didn't look at him. 'Yes, of course I'm fine.' She said curtly. 'Should we go in?'

He smiled pleasantly and held out his hand, which she took.

They walked through the doors of the Great Hall, Lily still looking around nervously in case James turned up. But all of the worry in her mind disappeared when she saw the beautiful decorations in the hall.

There was a huge Christmas tree in one corner, so tall that Lily couldn't see the top. It had magical lights that she could only assume Filch had laboured over for hours, and they flashed different colours every time she looked at them. She turned her head to smile at Tom, but he was looking away from her at some other seventh year girls. One of them, she noticed, was Sally, who apparently had come to the ball despite not having a date.

'May I have your attention, everyone!' Dumbledore stood up, his voice quietening the crowd as it usually did. His eyes sparkled kindly at everyone as he looked down at them.

'Now, sit down, sit down. Today, as you all know, is the Christmas Ball. May I introduce the band who will be playing for us this evening: The Shrinking Skeletons!'

There was a massive roar of applause as the five band members appeared in a a cloud of smoke.

'Now, as I don't want to take up any more of your time, please tuck in!'

Massive plates of roast potatoes and turkey appeared in front of her, and the band started playing.

'So, Lily.' he said after a few minutes. 'How are you enjoying your night so far?'

She swallowed her mouthful of peas slowly. 'I'm fine.' She said defensively. She had been looking around for James the whole night, but as far as she could tell, he wasn't there. Indeed, she couldn't see Sirius either, although Remus was sitting with Mary over on the other side of the hall, the two of them laughing and smiling together.

 _'Well, at least they're happy',_ Lily thought to herself miserably. The absence of two of the most eligible bachelors in seventh year was cause for suspicion, but Lily dismissed it. She didn't want to dwell on James on the one night where he was nothing to do with anything. She turned back to Tom again. He seemed extremely nervous.

'Why did you ask me to the ball?' She asked quietly, so nobody around them could hear.

'Well- um- you didn't have a date, and neither did I, so I figured instead of sitting in the common room feeling sorry for ourselves, we could have some fun instead. Tomorrow is the holidays anyway, and I'd go crazy if I was the only guy on the train tomorrow not talking about the ball.' He paused. 'Sorry for saying you had no sense of humour yesterday.' He said. 'I can be rude sometimes and not think about it at the time.'

'It's okay.' Lily said. She turned to face him again. 'You do know my history, though, with...'

'Yeah, of course. No offence, Lily, but there isn't a single person in Hogwarts who doesn't.' There was another tense silence before Sally and James slid into the two seats opposite them, Sally opposite Tom and James opposite Lily.

Lily immediately tensed and started to get up, but Tom stopped her. She stared at him in panic. 'I thought you said you knew what happened!' She hissed in his ear.

He nodded, but he kept his hand on Lily's wrist, stopping her from leaving. She sat down, breathing heavily, but keeping calm.

There was a silence as Sally filled her plate with food.

'You know, Lily, you humiliated me in front of the entire school.' Sally said without looking at her.

Lily didn't reply. She couldn't tell where the conversation was going.

'And in retaliation, I tried to get you killed.' Sally continued. Lily could feel even Tom getting more uncomfortable, although he seemed to know what was going on better than she did. James's face had gone beetroot red, and he was staring determinedly down at his plate, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

'I'm trying to make amends, Lily.' Sally looked up at her, her face deadly serious, although Lily found her hard to take seriously when she was holding a chicken leg in one hand. 'And that's why Tom asked you to the ball. I'm giving you a chance to get what you really want. Come on, Tom. Let's dance.'

She stood up and held out her hand, which Tom took. They walked away to the dance floor, but not before Sally looked over her shoulder and smiled, gesturing for Lily and James to follow.

Lily stared at Sally for a few seconds. She could feel the whole table looking at her, although some people were pretending not to, but seeing Sally smile at her without any looks of malice or ill intention was a sight she had genuinely thought she would never see again. Lily didn't understand what exactly had happened or why Sally was suddenly being kind to her, but before she could think it through, she found herself and James standing on the dance floor with half of their table applauding them. She looked at Sally to her left and saw her smiling at her, although through her facade of happiness, Lily could swear she could still see the slightest bit of bitterness in Sally's eyes.


	18. Holidays

'Goodbye, Marlene.' Lily said, hugging her friend as she went to get on the Hogwarts Express. 'Don't forget to write to me.'

'Of course, Lily. But are you sure you don't want to come to my house over Christmas? My mum says it's fine-'

'No, really, it's okay. Besides, other people are staying as well, so it's not like I'll be lonely.'

Marlene looked at her strangely. The only people staying in their year were Severus, Sally, Peter and a Hufflepuff called James McRoy. 'Okay...' Marlene said suspiciously, but let it go. 'Bye!' She called as she boarded the train, Mary following close behind.

.o.O.o.

Lily wandered around the castle on patrol. Patrol during the holidays, she'd discovered, was even more useless than patrol during the day, as there were even fewer people who were bothered to leave their dormitories. And doing it alone made her feel incredibly lonely. And to rub salt in the wound, it was Christmas Eve. The teachers were actually making her stay up on Christmas Eve to make sure there weren't any students out of the 20 that stayed out of bed.

She was just getting to the Marauders' favourite path to the kitchens when she heard a rustling behind a suit of armour. Undoubtedly Peter on his way back.

'Peter...' she said exasperated. She couldn't be bothered to give a detention to anyone in the holidays, much less to Peter Pettigrew, as she'd be getting constant owls of protest from the Marauders when they found out.

Peter's face popped out from behind the suit of armour. Lily rolled her eyes.

'Peter, I don't want to-'

'Then don't put me in detention!' He responded before she'd even finished. 'And- and if you let me off, I'll tell you a huge secret that can stop your patrols for the rest of the holidays.'

Lily didn't like the concept of bribery, but she couldn't resist the idea of not having patrol to do alone for the rest of the holidays.

'Go on then.' She said.

'Well, I don't think you know this, but we made a map-'

'The Marauders' Map, yes.' She said, nodding. Her face suddenly lit up. 'Could you give it to me every evening?'

Peter looked shocked that she knew, but appeared to immediately jump to a conclusion. 'Sure! Prongs told you, didn't he?'

'Yeah. Do you have it with you?'

He nodded and brought it out, muttering an incantation to open it just as James had. When Lily looked at it carefully, she saw the name of a seventh year Slytherin called Augustus Rookwood moving quickly in the opposite direction of where Lily and Peter were standing. As if he was moving away from the scene...

'Don't worry about that.' Peter said quickly.

'Peter? Was he attacking you? Why were you hiding?' Lily asked. She couldn't help but notice how defensive Peter had gotten when she had noticed Rookwood, or how he seemed to already know that he had been there. Not to mention how he didn't have any food on him from raiding the kitchens.

'Just trust me, okay? I'm fine.' Lily nodded slowly and turned back to the map, but Rookwood had already made it back to the dungeons. There wasn't anybody else on the map out of bed.

'Well, let's go back to the common room then. And I never saw you, okay?'

Peter smiled. As they walked back to the common room in silence, Lily tried to pushed away the nagging feeling that Peter had been doing more than going to the kitchens to steal food. She knew this boy. He wouldn't know stealth if it smacked him in the head with a brick. But he'd served so many detentions before. Why was he so desperate to avoid one now?

.o.O.o.

Lily woke up to rustling noises.

'Lily! Wake up! It's Christmas!'

Sally threw a present at her from across the room, with a little more force than Lily felt was necessary.

'Sally? What are you-'

'Open them!' She threw another present, which forced Lily to sit up in bed and look at the fairly large pile of gifts on the floor.

'Sally, when were we friends again?'

Sally's only response was to throw another present, this time a soft one, thankfully.

Lily raised her eyebrows but didn't comment.

'Open that one first.' Sally said, nodding towards the biggest present in the pile, about the size of a small microwave. It felt like it was made of glass.

Lily opened it and found that it was a vase from Petunia, which was a pleasant surprise. She had sent Petunia a present every year, but until today, she had never gotten one in return. It was a rather ugly vase, but she appreciated the gesture all the same.

'This one's from me.' Sally said, pointing to a small one on the floor.

It turned out to a small teddy bear holding a broom in its paw.

Lily smiled at Sally. 'Thank you.'

Sally shrugged. 'It was the least I could do in return for the chocolates you gave me.'

The routine carried on for a few minutes with Sally telling her which presents to open first until the floor was covered with wrapping paper and everything had been unwrapped. She had gotten a quill set from Mary, a small bottle of perfume from her parents, the vase from Petunia, the teddy bear from Sally, some makeup from Marlene, a photo album from Sirius (which, according to the note on the front, was for "pictures of me being as handsome as always"), some books from Remus and Peter, and a pair of earrings from James.

'Earrings.' Sally commented, looking at the winged emerald earrings which had fluttered up and attached themselves to Lily's ears. 'They look really nice on you.' She said quickly, clearly trying to take back her tone of bitterness.

'Thanks.' Lily mumbled. She wasn't sure why Sally was here, but the tension was definitely still there. No amount of pleasantries could heal a friendship that had been broken by something as big as, well, a murder attempt.

'Sally.' Lily said in a low voice, even though nobody else was around. 'You know when you were talking with Avery...'

Sally's face immediately hardened and she crossed her arms.

'Yes?' She said defensively, her voice full of warning.

'Was, um- well, um- was Peter ever there? Maybe with Rookwood?'

Sally stared at Lily for a few seconds.

'Where's this coming from?' She asked. Clearly her dealings with the Slytherins was a sensitive topic for her.

'It's just- well, I saw him the other night, and I think he might have been meeting with Rookwood. I don't know anything, but if Peter's in danger-'

'I never saw them together, but that doesn't mean he wasn't there. But really Lily, can you picture Peter with them? He's such a coward, he'd go blubbering to the boys as soon as he could.'

'Sally.' Lily said disapprovingly, but she smiled nonetheless.

Sally sighed and looked down at her hands.

'There was a letter from your parents as well.' She said, handing her a card.

Lily took the letter from Sally's hand. It was a simple slip of paper with two words written on it.

 _Come home._

 _._ o.O.o.

'I don't want her to be there!' Lily heard her sister screaming as she apparated into her bedroom. She didn't want any more accusations of being a freak for apparating straight into the living room.

'Well, she'll have to be! Especially while you're having 7 of your friends whom you never spend any time with as bridesmaids! Come on Petunia, she's your sister!'

'She's no sister of mine!'

Lily crept down the stairs. She'd left most of her luggage back at Hogwarts, as she could go back whenever she wanted.

'Oh, Lily!' Her mother said, turning around. 'We have some news for you.'

'You're not invited to my wedding.' Petunia said angrily, her blonde hair swept back in a high ponytail that emphasised her pointy cheekbones.

'What?' Lily stared at her sister. 'Wh- why?'

'Because I don't want you there.'

'What do you mean, you don't want me there? Most people make their sisters the maid of honour, and you're not even inviting me? I'm your sister!'

'You're a FREAK!' Petunia screamed. 'You're a freak, and I don't want you embarrassing me in front of all my friends and Vernon!'

'Petunia, when have I ever embarrassed you in my life? Whenever your friends come round, I hide myself in my room so they don't see me! I've never even met Vernon because I wanted to respect YOUR choices! What do you think I'm gonna do? Wear my witch hat? Bring my wand? Maybe bewitch them all into loving me more than you?'

'You don't have to bewitch them! EVERYONE ALREADY LOVES YOU MORE THAN ME, AND I'M NOT STANDING THERE ON MY WEDDING DAY WHILE YOU'RE THERE UPSTAGING ME!'

'I HAVE NEVER UPSTAGED YOU IN MY LIFE!' Lily tried to stop herself from losing her rapidly building temper, but was failing miserably.

'WHEN HAVE YOU EVER NOT UPSTAGED ME? YOU'RE A WITCH! A FREAK, AND EVERYBODY LOVES YOU FOR IT! EXCEPT ME, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY ARE! A FREAK!'

'You know what, Petunia? I have HAD IT with your constant blaming and bullying. You're acting like a toddler! My entire life since I was 11 I've tried to be friends with you. I've tried time and time again to hide my schoolbooks and wand to make you feel worthy, to make you feel the same as me. But you know, despite all that we've been through, I still would've made you a bridesmaid on my wedding day. And now I find out you didn't even INVITE ME?'

'Okay girls, calm down.' Lily's dad said, and everyone looked at him. 'Petunia, please just invite your sister. She won't upstage you if she's just in the background, will she? Please, just compromise for once.'

Petunia looked positively murderous, and if looks could kill Lily would certainly be dead, but she nodded all the same.

'Now, Lily-'

'I'm going back to school.' She said, walking out of the door to her bedroom.

She could hear the cries of her parents behind her, but Lily didn't care. She was not staying in the same house as Petunia for even another minute. And she was sure Petunia felt the same. Any hopes of eventual reconciliation had died just then, and Lily wasn't even interested in going to the wedding anymore. In fact, she thought as she slammed the door, she never wanted to see her sister again.


	19. The Last Letter

'Truth or dare, Sirius?'

'Truth.'

'Oh, you coward. If you had to kiss someone in this room, who would it be?'

It was late February and the seventh year Gryffindors were all gathered around in a circle in the common room playing truth or dare.

Sirius looked around at Mary, Alice, Lily and the other girls in the circle.

'Hurry up, mate. We don't wanna wait all day for this.' Said Remus dryly, although he was smiling.

'Alright, fine. But nobody kill me for saying this.'

'Why? What're you going to say?' Asked James, narrowing his eyes.

'Chill, Prongs. Not gonna say Lily. No offence.' He added, with a glance in her direction.

'None taken. Hurry up though.'

'Fine. Marlene.'

Marlene went bright red at this, although she didn't say anything.

'Right. I guess we all know what your next dare is then...' Mary said, smirking.

'Shut it, you. Truth or dare then?'

'Dare. I'm not a chicken like you.'

'Again, shut up. I dare you to tell us-.'

'What? That's a truth!' Mary yelped indignantly.

'Deal with it. Tell us something you've never told us before about yourself. And to make sure you're telling the truth, here's some veritaserum. Don't ask where I got it from, but has anybody except Mary got any objections?'

'Come on, guys.' Mary said pleadingly, looking at her friends.

Lily laughed and shook her head, as did everyone else.

Mary rolled her eyes and took the tiniest sip of the veritaserum.

'There you go, bastards. Happy now?'

'No. Tell us.'

Everyone leaned in with interest, even Lily, who usually tried her very best to resist gossiping.

'I... kissed Regulus Black in 4th year in a game of spin the bottle?'

'You did _what_? Why the hell were you playing spin the bottle with my brother?'

'The turn's over, Sirius. Lily, you're up next. Truth or dare?'

Sirius huffed, but gave Mary a look that promised he wouldn't let it go.

'Dare.' Lily said, drinking some of her butterbeer.

'Pick someone from this group and they have to spend the night in your dormitory with you.'

'Mar-'

'And it can't be a girl because we're... cleaning our rooms tonight.'

Lily nearly spat out her drink. 'Excuse me? What kind of pathetic excuse is that?'

'You heard me. Choose.'

'Alright... um...'

'Hurry or forfeit. And if you forfeit, I choose for you...'

'I forfeit.' Lily said, throwing her hands in the air, although she knew who Mary would say. It was easier to let her pick than to pick herself.

'You sure?' Mary asked, a mischievous smile spreading across her face.

'Yes. Get it over with then.'

'Alright. James.'

Lily rolled her eyes. Of course it was James. Never would Mary just allow her to pick the easy option. Although to be fair, Lily would have done the same to her with Remus.

'Well then, game's over, night night, off Prongs and Lily go- MARY GET OVER HERE NOW! WE AREN'T DONE!' Sirius shouted as Mary tried to bolt off to her dormitory.

.o.O.o.

'I guess we aren't getting any sleep tonight then.' Lily said quietly at 3am. James was sitting next to her on the bed, drinking butterbeer straight from the bottle. They were looking at James's map, watching as Peter and Remus made their way back from the kitchens.

'Nope. Although you can if you want to.'

Lily snorted. 'No, I can't. How am I supposed to do that with the suspense of watching Remus and Peter nearly get caught by Mrs Norris at every turn? Why have you got the map anyway? Shouldn't they have it so they don't get caught?'

James laughed softly into Lily's neck, sending shivers up her spine. 'Well, I want to see how long they last. They can consider it punishment for setting fire to all my robes last week just before class.'

Lily was about to reply before she heard a tap on the glass. She stared at the owl for a second, not quite believing what she was seeing. Was that Tulip? Carrying a letter from home?

She leapt out of bed quickly and was holding the letter in her hands in less than ten seconds. Her hands trembling and nearly tearing the envelope, she opened the letter.

 _Lily,_

 _I hope you're happy now. Our parents are dead and there was some weird green thing above the house where their bodies were. I don't know what it was, but it must have been something from your 'magical' world where freakish things like this always happen. If it wasn't for you, this never would've happened. The funeral is in a week today at their house. I wouldn't have invited you but I know they always wanted us to be friends and I wanted to honour their memory._

 _Petunia_

Lily slowly lowered the tear stained letter and stared out of the window. There was no way this could be happening. No way! They couldn't be dead. Not both of them. Not now.

'Lily?' She heard James whisper, but his voice felt like it was miles away. 'Lily, what's wrong?'

She turned around slowly, then collapsed onto the floor in floods of tears.

'Lily!' James crouched down next to her, taking the letter when she handed it to him to read.

'Lily... oh my god, I'm so sorry.'

'She's right, though.' Lily sobbed, becoming increasingly aware of how pathetic she must look but not caring. 'She's completely right.'

'Your sister is _jealous_ , Lily.'

'That's not the point! She might be jealous, but she's right. If I wasn't a witch, if I wasn't 'special', this never would've happened. The Death Eaters would never have targeted them, and they would still be alive. Tuney and I would still be friends. It's all my fault.'

'No, it's not. Don't blame yourself. And despite what I think of your sister, it's not her fault either. This is Voldemort's fault, and the Death Eaters' faults. You couldn't help being a witch. Even if you could, you didn't bring Voldemort to them.'

'But that time that I refused to become his follower-'

'You think that would've saved them? He just would've killed them sooner to ensure nobody could turn you away from him.' James said, and Lily would swear she could hear a slightly pleading tone in his voice.

Lily raised her head from her arms and looked at him. His hazel eyes were looking at her with such intensity that she couldn't have looked away even if she'd wanted to.

'Could you come with me to the funeral? Just- just as support? I don't want to go alone.'

He smiled slightly, but sadly. 'Of course,' he whispered, and hugged her gently as she buried her head in her arms once more.

 **A/N- Sorry for the wait- I'm really the worst with uploads.**


	20. The Funeral

It was a beautiful day, with sunlight streaming through the windows of the house. Lily stood next to James, staring down at her shoes as Petunia read her eulogy.

'...when I was eight, I tripped and hurt my knee. I still remember the rock that cut me. I'd cried like my entire leg had been cut off, probably giving them a splitting headache, but they picked me up and cuddled me until I'd stopped crying, and put a plaster on my knee. I just wish-' Petunia's voice wobbled and her eyes threatened to spill again, but she regained her compose. '-I just wish that I'd had enough time to thank them for what they did. Even in their last days, they cared about me and-'

At this point Petunia burst into a flood of tears and seemed incapable of reading any more, and Lily could hardly doubt that the enormous number of eyes on her helped. So, after staring around her for some time and seeing that nobody was going to help, she stood up and made her way to the front.

Seeing her coming up, Petunia stepped aside to let Lily speak, giving her a look that she hadn't seem from Petunia in a long time- gratitude.

'Even in their last days, they cared about me and my sister beyond words, and did their best to keep us together despite our differences. If they were here now, I have no doubt that they would want us all to be happy. They taught me so many things- love, gratitude, patience- and I am so grateful to them for that. Goodbye, Mum and Dad. Thank you.'

.o.O.o.

The rest of the funeral passed by in a blur, trapped in various conversations with family friends Lily had never met. Some of Petunia's friends seemed surprised to know that Lily even existed.

'Lily.' Petunia said awkwardly to her after the lunch.

'Petunia.' Lily could feel James tense by her side.

'I wanted to thank you for helping me up there. And apologise for- for being so rude to you when inviting you to come- well, for nearly a decade, really- and anyway- yeah, I just wanted to thank you.'

Lily smiled slightly. That was probably the kindest thing Petunia had said to her since boarding the Hogwarts Express in first year. 'Thank you, Petunia.'

'And also- if you wanted to come to my wedding- I guess that would be okay. You can also bring a guest if you really want.' She said, with a glance at James.

Lily stared at her. It wasn't often that Petunia admitted she was wrong, even when she was a child and not the vindictive, bitter woman that she was now.

'Of course. I'd like that.' Lily smiled.

.o.O.o.

'You're GOING?!' James exploded when they got back to Hogwarts.

'Well, of course! She's my sister!'

'Look at the way she's treated you all these years!'

'She's still my sister!'

'Family's overrated, Lily. The fact that she's your sister just makes it worse how she's treated you all these years!'

'I- just get away from me.'

'Lily, listen.'

'WHAT?!'

'I understand that she's your sister, and I understand that you want to forgive her, but I don't want you to get hurt! She's hurt you so many times before and you know it. Just don't do this, please.'

Lily took a deep breath and steadied herself. 'I hear you. I do. But can you please just lay off? I know what I'm doing and I don't need protecting, okay?'

James relaxed slightly, although he still stared at her in disbelief.

'I'm going to bed now.' Lily said softly, touching his shoulder on her way out of the great hall.

'Goodnight.' James called behind her.

She'd barely made it to the Gryffindor common room when she heard panting behind her. Turning around, she saw the most unwelcome face possible- Snape.

'What do you want, Severus?' She asked, folding her arms. It seemed almost like an unconscious action, like a shield from him.

'I heard what you and Potter were arguing about. He doesn't understand you.'

She was almost about to question why he was listening, but she already knew the answer. Slytherins were always listening for anything that they could take advantage of.

'What of it?' Suddenly, Lily realised that her tone of voice and facial expression greatly resembled Petunia's when she spoke to Lily.

'I just want to show you something. Please. If you don't like it, then you can leave whenever you want. I won't force you to stay, I promise.'

Despite all her body cells protesting that doing what he said was a terrible idea, she slowly nodded. Assuming he would keep his promise of not forcing her to stay, there was nothing really to be lost, right?

'Come.' Snape beckoned for her to follow him down a narrow pathway to her left, which, to Lily's relief, was dimly lit rather than pitch black.

'Where are we going?'

'Just come.'

'Where?'

'We're here.'

Snape turned around, his wand illuminating the bottom of his face so he suddenly bore a striking resemblance to a skeleton.

Muttering a few words, the light grew from his wand until the whole wall was illuminated.

'Severus...'

'Look.' He breathed. 'Look at the shadows.'

As Lily looked, she could see as various shapes formed, falling and rising as if it was some kind of dance.

'What are they?'

'People.'

Lily turned to look at him, but he was still staring at the shapes.

'There's the dark lord.' He said, and Lily saw a shape rise, standing over everything else as if commanding them.

'What are you trying to say?' She asked angrily.

Snape dragged his eyes away from the wall to look at her.

'I'm trying to show you what will happen in the future.' He said. 'It's hopeless, Lily. Just join us! You're not like the rest of them. Potter, Black, all your friends... I can't save them. But I can save you.'

'Save them?' Lily's voice trembled. 'Like you would if you could. You've never given a damn about them, and it's not like you care about me either. I'm a muggle born! I represent everything you're working to destroy. I don't even know what I'm doing here! I should go-'

'Lily, I know you're a mud- I mean, muggle born, but the Dark Lord will make an exception for you! You're talented, and all I'm doing is trying to save you! Dumbledore's mission will fail. Everything you know and care about will be gone within five years!'

'Because of you. My parents are dead because of you!'

'They wouldn't come with us, it couldn't be helped...'

'I'm leaving. Don't try to stop me. You promised.' With that, Lily turned on her heel and stormed back the way she came.

.o.O.o.

'Lily, where the bloody hell were you? I've been looking for you for ages to give your cloak back to you! You weren't in your room, and Marlene said you weren't in her dormitory, so clearly you weren't where you said you'd be! Where were you?'

'Um- I was with-'

'Don't tell me it was Snivellus.'

'James, don't call him that, you're seventeen-'

'You were, weren't you? Have you any sense, Lily? He's involved in the dark arts! He's basically a trainee death eater!'

'I made a mistake, okay? It's not like you've never made one. I'm going to bed now.'

'Actually- um- well, Sirius is having a party in Hogsmead tonight. I know you don't approve of rule breaking and you might just want to go to bed after the funeral, but I thought I'd invite you.'

'A party? In Hogsmead? Now? How?'

'Secret tunnels.' James shrugged, trying and failing to keep the proud smile from spreading across his face.

'Secret tunnels? Honestly, who would want to have a party in Hogsmead at this time of night? Surely everyone except you and your friends are in bed by now?'

'Well sure, except… everyone in Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.'

' _What?_ '

'Yeah. So, you coming?'

.o.O.o.

'I can't believe you won me over, Potter.'

'Of course I did.' James said, his cocky grin spread across his face. Lily had watched him have far too many firewhiskeys, but he was hardly acting drunk at all. Merlin knew how he'd built up this tolerance.

'So, if we're going back to being on a last name basis, will you go out with me tomorrow, Evans?'

Lily smiled to herself, knowing what she had to say despite it still being so difficult to let go of her pride.

'Sure, how much does Remus owe Sirius now?'

James laughed, bringing his sixth glass of firewhiskey back to his lips. 'Twenty galleons.'


End file.
